First Blog Post of 2014.

I haven't posted a blog this year, and I've been so busy that I didn't even realize it.

This new post is brought to you in part by Workaholics Anonymous. For more information, go to http://www.workaholicsanon.com. (FYI: workaholicsanon.com is NOT A REAL WEBSITE.)

I guess you could say that I've taken a break from blogging to pursue my work. I am now up to forty books in the series. People have asked me how I put in such long hours. For starters, I never have writer's block. (I have writer's tackle according to the great Dr. Cranquis.) And I have a crazy schedule that I decided to post in a response to the questions.

A typical day for me consists of the following schedule:

12:30 PM: Finally roll out of bed. (Thanks, Insomnia!)
12:40 PM: Coffee via Keurig. (BEST. INVENTION. EVER.)
12:45 PM: Peruse the net/play games/while having resuscitation fluids via favorite mug.
1:15 PM: Sit down at my desk and start working. This includes music and random breaks to skim Kindle notifications at my leisure. I may peruse the net if something interesting appears in my Kindle's notification bar when I hear the Facebook tone interrupt my music, which mostly includes European techno from 2011, because all of the other techno past, present, and future, pales in comparison. (2011 called. They want their music back.)
5:00 PM: Break time and lunch, or breakfast in my case since it's the first time I eat. (optional) (Today I worked until eight, because my husband is running errands and still has yet to make it home.)
5:02 PM: Daily text from husband announcing his return home. (Today's message also included a stop at his aunt's, his mother's, and the store, where he currently is located, and he will stop by the local coffee vendor on his way home, because I need caffeine.)
5:45 PM to 6:00 PM: The husband arrives home. (Arrival times are subject to change via stops required by one of us, usually me. He's still not home.)
5:45 PM to 7:00 PM: Interact with husband. (This usually involves watching television or totally being engrossed in our respective tablets. I drone on about what my fictional characters are into today. He listens, treating me like a sane person, because he's wonderful.)
7:00 PM: Husband drifts off on the couch with cat on his lap. (Cat is optional, but the cat thinks he's required.)
7:05 PM: Back at my desk, music selected and sounding excellent on my system (lots of bass), and I slip back into the zone.
8:15 PM to 9:30 PM: Husband's phone alarm goes off at various intervals. He still doesn't get up.
10:00 PM: Husband finally wakes up and mumbles something about not wanting to sleep that long. Usually an apology is involved.
10:15 PM to 10:30 PM: I wrap up what I'm writing and find a stopping point.
10:30 PM to 1:00 AM: Spend time with the husband.
1:30 AM to 2:30 AM: Husband goes to bed grumbling about not wanting to stay up that late.
2:30 AM to 5:00 AM: Insomnia, because life was meant to be spent watching Adult Swim and wrestling stubborn cat from my lap. (Adult Swim, watch us or don't. We don't care. Reverse psychology.) If I have the privilege of coherent thought, I'll grab my laptop and work. (You get one hundred points if you sang along to the Adult Swim jingle.)
5:00 AM: Drag exhausted body to bed.
7:10 AM: My alarm goes off so I can make sure husband is awake. He could sleep through a nuclear war.
12:30 PM: Wake up and start again.

The last four days I have worked a total number of thirty hours.

Yesterday, when I checked my email, due to the nifty notification tune, I found a new blog post from Dr. Grumpy and ended up reading his new blog post and his entire vacation post archive. I put in some extra hours to make up for that. It was worth it. I sobbed with laughter as I was reading his posts.

I need to share a few updates that I honestly haven't been able to bring myself to share. Many of you already know some of the goings on in my life as of this year, but I will compose a proper post about these updates in the near future.

My apologies for neglecting my readers.

Have a great week!

Cheers!

The cat who doesn't realize he's optional rather than required.

Last Days.

The bible says "in the last days, I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh..." There's more to the scripture, but I want to focus on the part where it says, "Last Days".

Have you ever thought about your last days? I thought much more about it. It was the first thing that popped into my head after I read a post that Dr. Cranquis reblogged today. You can view his post here. It got me thinking. I’m always thinking of my last days at some point, due to chronic illness, because my days may have a shorter number. And, without giving too much away, one of my character’s days are also numerically shorter than most. I’ve composed the character’s bucket list. And I’ve been playing around with the thought of composing mine. Call it a bucket list, or a wish list, or whatever. Some of my entries are fun, and some are more serious and thought provoking. And these are in no certain order.

My Bucket/Wish List:

• Become a famous writer, like Stephen King (without the zombies and indian burial grounds), V. C. Andrews (without all of the fake pregnancies and overabundance of secrets), or J. K. Rowling (minus the magic spells) or even Stephanie Meyer (minus the sparkly vampires and werewolves).
• Become a doctor with two specialties; epidemiology and neurology.
• Travel/Live someplace where the season is Autumn all year long or travel to places where it’s Fall during our Summer!
• Get a tummy tuck. Find excuses and clothes in order to show off the doctor’s handiwork! (I’ve seriously never had a flat stomach, not since I was nine, not even when I was 99 lbs.)
• Crowd surf at a concert. (I wish it could be a Ramones concert, or a White Stripes concert. Any suggestions would be helpful.)
• Travel about Europe, and see ALL OF IT! (Not just England, France, and Scotland!)
• Try single malt Scotch, something oaky and at least twenty years old. (Before any of my Christian friends think I've gone off of the deep end, I just want to try it, not get drunk!)
• Try a martini. Already did that, and I wasn’t impressed. The olives were good, though.
• Go to Japan. See the view from the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building. (On a clear day, you can see Mt. Fuji!) See the rainbow bridge. See the Osaka sun. Take a rickshaw ride with my husband. Hold hands with said husband as we see the shinto shrines. Try Sake. Look at every single manhole cover. (They’re all different!) 
• Fall in love with my husband all over again.
• Never lose sight of what’s really and truly important. (God, Family, Country.)
• See my book series become a movie or television series and REALLY see my characters come to life!
• Have enough money to take care of myself, my husband, my family, and some of my friends.
• Meet every single one of my friends from the internet.
• Go to Australia. Meet Lori, Chop, and Bump, and some of her mates that she talks about on Random Ramblings of a Stay At Home Mum.com like Bunny. (Lori is the writer of the blog, rrsahm.com and talks about her experiences as a wife and mother, and dealing with life after the death of her husband. It’s her story to tell, so I won’t divulge any more details.)
• Meet the writers of the Houston Chronicle’s Good Mom Bad Mom Blog, Jenny Lawson and Mindy Sterba, and their families!
• Go to Corpus Christi.
• Laugh until I cry at the very least once per day.
• Have one more night with my friend Shelly#2 and truly go back to the way things were before. (My favorite memory of us was when we were hanging out in my bed, goofing off on our respective laptop computers, and I suddenly starting singing, “Doug is going to kick us out” to the tune of LL Cool J’s, "Momma Said Knock You Out." *lol* Anyway, we were laughing so hard, we were crying. And I know we were so loud. And Shelly#2 started joining in. And when we both got to the “chorus” part of the song, I sang, “So why does the Douglas always scream and shout,” and Shelly#2 and I sang in unison, "SHELLY(E)S, GET YOUR BUTTS OUT!” We stayed up until five a.m. laughing uncontrollably. And no, we weren’t under the influence of anything, just lack of sleep and caffeine. We told my husband about it the next day, and Shelly#2 said, “I sing that in the shower!” *LOLROFLMBO* I miss her. She and I were like Turk and J.D. on Scrubs. She was there for me at the beginning of my book, and I'm hoping she will be there for the end, but things change, and sometimes there is nothing you can do to stop them.)
• To see all of my friends happy, healthy, and successful.
• To see all of my family members happy, healthy, and successful, ALL OF THEM, including my husband’s family.
• For a cure to be found for Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (all forms of muscular dystrophy for that matter) so my nephew can have a future and a hope.
• To have at least one child, even if it’s just through adoption.
• To prove the impossible really exists.
• To take life by the horns and prove that I can indeed do it all.
• To truly love myself, love my body, and realize that I am beautiful.
• To realize how far I’ve truly come.
• To always have enough backbone to stand up for myself and to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves.
• To die on my feet and not live on my knees.
• To become a healthier, happier person in every aspect of my life.
• To kick OCD’s butt and leave it somewhere to die!
• Go to New York. Maybe even live there.
• Go to California.
• Go skiing/snowboarding.
• Play softball/basketball on a team.
• Relax for once in my life. Preferably in front of a large stone fireplace!
• Have a “Hangover” experience in Vegas with three close friends! (Maybe not.)
• See Jamie Jones deejay live in London!
• Leave behind a legacy.
• Save a life…(I do not necessarily mean as a doctor either.)
• Make sure everyone knows how important they are to me before I leave this world.
• To be a good role model.
• On my last day, I want to be surrounded by the people who are most important to me. I want a few moments alone with each of them, especially my mother and my husband. I would give my husband permission to move on with his life when the opportunity arose. I wouldn’t want him to spend his life mourning me. I would want him to find someone who makes him happy, someone who is healthy, who likes bowling and camping (two things I hate, but he loves) and someone who requires less care. Definitely someone who is not as high maintenance as I am, or as strict as I am, or as sick as I am, someone who is soft spoken and kind, not blatantly honest and harsh, like I am. And someone who loves to be snuggled 24/7. Someone who will take care of him even better than I did or could. And I would tell my mother that she was the best. She really was. I would tell her how she inspired me, and showed me that it’s never too late to achieve your dreams. She did. She’s an amazing woman, and she’s my hero. I could not have asked for a better mother. And I would apologize because I’m sure I could have been a better daughter. (I should just apologize for my teen years altogether! I was so stuck on stupid that I’m not sure how she or I survived it!)
• For everyone to remember me and laugh. I’m serious! I want my funeral to be like that commercial that was on in 2004, where the guy is rocking out to Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust” and when the camera zooms out, the guy is in the passenger side of a hearse and everyone is looking at him! *LOL* That’s what I want done on my way to the cemetery. I want two speakers in the back with my casket and for “Another One Bites the Dust” to be played loudly. I want my family and friends to have one last laugh. (I LOVE to make people laugh, but I wouldn’t be a very good comedian because I wouldn’t use some of the content most comedians use.) Alas, my husband refuses to fulfill this last wish.

That about sums it up. Some of these made me laugh uncontrollably. Some of these made me cry uncontrollably.

If I have inspired you to compose your wish list, please share it with me.

Laughter is the Best Medicine Part 2

Since I have been sick and cannot seem to recover, and it's a dreary Sunday, I thought I would post some funny pictures. Hope these make you smile!

TSK: Dr. Cranquis loves it when his patient makes him laugh-- Episode V

• cranquis: did you need a note to excuse you from your chef duties while you're sick, sir?
• patient: no, i don't think so.
• building fire alarm: weekly test suddenly starts blaring
• patient: oh no, i swear i wasn't cooking anything in here!
• cranquis: *splutters in laughter*

TSK: Dr. Cranquis jokes about dementia with the elderly.

• cranquis: mrs. olderman, how nice to see you again! ready for me to take those staples out of the cut on your scalp?
• mrs. olderman (87 years old): oh doctor cranquis, how nice of you to remember me!
• cranquis: hey, i'm just glad you remember me -- you're the one who had the head injury, after all. *laughter all around*

TSK: Why Cranquis has a headache today

• cranquis: so little anna's rash is still there, ever since i saw her for this rash 2 years ago?
• anna's mom: yes, it won't go away.
• cranquis: did you do the treatments and over-the-counter creams that i recommended?
• mom: no.
• cranquis: did you take her to see the dermatologist that i recommended to you at that visit?
• mom: no.
• cranquis: i see. (reiterates all the same information, writes it all down, gives a prescription med to use also, gives the dermatologist's phone number, discharges patient)
• --------next day-----------
• nurse: doctor, anna's mom is at the front desk to see you as you requested yesterday.
• cranquis: huh? i didn't tell her to come back here.
• nurse: she said you told her to go buy all the creams and treatments that you wrote down, then come back here so you could explain them all to her... um, doctor, you're gonna hurt yourself if you keep head-butting the doorframe like that.

TSK: Guessing Games

• cranquis: your chart also says that you have blindness in your left eye?
• patient: oh yeah, it's because my eye has that problem, um, i forget the name -- it's like the name of a dessert.
• cranquis: um...
• patient: you know, that dessert, it's like a salad with coconut and fruit and whipped cream?
• cranquis: uh...
• patient: ambrosia!
• cranquis: amblyopia!
• both: *laughter*

And finally, a true story to make you laugh...

This was told to me by a friend a couple of months ago.

me: How are your children doing?

friend: They're fine. My son lost his first tooth today.

me: I'll bet he was excited.

friend: He was. I had to take him to urgent care (unrelated issue) and he was proudly telling the nurses and the doctor about losing his first tooth. While we were sitting in the room waiting for the doctor to return, he looks at me and says, "Mom, when my new tooth comes in, will it come in gold?"

me: *laughing and crying hysterically*