Christmas Letters Part Two!

*All pictures are from weheartit.com.*

December 2013

Merry Christmas!



(The tree downstairs in our house.)



(Our living room tree.)



(Our living room tree, complete with presents!)



(The tree in Hannah and Katie's room.)



(The tree in Madeline and Gregory's room.)


Hello and Merry Christmas to you!

I hope everyone is having a great December surrounded by your loved ones this Christmas season! Things have been busy here in Casa de Tenenbaum! Of course, with four children, things never slow down, and December is our busiest month. We have two birthdays ten days apart for four children this month, plus Christmas is right in the middle of their birthdays.

Things have changed around here. All four children are walking now, which means I'm getting plenty of exercise chasing them. Maddy still prefers to crawl, though. At first, we thought something was wrong with her legs, but we figured out that she liked being carried around. Every time she would crawl, we would either pick her up and carry her, put her in her stroller, or pick her up and stand her on her feet. She loved the attention she was getting.

Twins, Hannah and Katherine are two now. (They are identical, by the way. We had them tested this year.) Both girls have exceeded most of their two year old peers in height. (Ryker's 6'5, and I'm 5'10, so I'm assuming our children will be on the taller side.) They're both such daddy's girls, too, although Hannah prefers me when she's sick or upset. Hannah's doing well. She wants to learn to read so badly. She loves reading, and she'll often bring me the dictionary and ask me to tell her the words and what they mean. Katie's doing fairly well. Despite being diagnosed with juvenile diabetes last year, she's as active as Hannah. She's gotten use to the routine of insulin and finger sticks and doctor visits. Sometimes, her glucose will bottom out, which is scary. She had a couple of seizures due to having too much insulin last year. She hasn't had any further seizures at this time, and we're hoping it doesn't happen again.

Madeline and Gregory are one. They're doing great. They're both on the same level as most of their peers. Gregory is our little explorer/daredevil as I mentioned previously. I have a hard time keeping up with him, but he has to be constantly watched or he will climb things and try to jump off of them. Maddy is like Ryker in the sense that she's content to sit in one spot and look at one toy or one book. I always know where Maddy is because she's not as active or as adventurous as the others. She's also a Mommy's girl, so she loves to be in whatever room I'm in. Gregory doesn't prefer one of us to the other just yet. He's content to be with either of us when he's winding down at the end of the day.

Ryker's enjoying working from home for the Rinquist, Rupert, and Wallace Law Firm. Having him work at home is so much easier on all of us, especially since I am doing my residency at Wallace Memorial Hospital. (It's going very well! I love it!) We turned the spare bedroom downstairs into an office. He's home the majority of the time with the girls, which means not having to rely on a babysitter when my parents are working, and when his parents are out of the country visiting relatives, and when one of the kids is sick, which happens often when you have four of them, he doesn't have to miss work. He still goes into the office to meet with clients, and handles lots of cases in the courtroom, but having my family or his family watch them for two or three hours is much easier on everyone than eight to twelve hours. His secretary, Meg, still works from the office, so she keeps him informed on everything and faxes what he needs to the fax machine at the house. Sometimes the kids can be a distraction for him, but when they're really fussy, his mother will come and entertain them, or my mother will spend her lunch hour at our place to look after them long enough for Ryker to make phone calls and get some work done that the kids may have prevented him from doing.

My family is doing well. My parents celebrated their 29th wedding anniversary this year. My father's playing with the idea of retiring as chief of medicine of Wallace Memorial Hospital, but I doubt he will go through with it. He could if he wanted to, but I know what a workaholic he is. He would be bored to tears. My mother, who's an obstetrician for those who are just joining my Christmas card list, is now the head of the women's health division at Wallace Memorial Hospital. She's doing a great job. She still sees patients, just not as many as she did before taking over the women's health division. My brothers, fraternal twins, Achilles and Aidan, are in their junior year of college. They both made the Dean's list almost every semester. Achilles is a business major, and Aidan is psych major. I think Mom and Dad were a little disappointed that neither of them went to med school, but Achilles said, "You have Leah. Isn't that enough?" My little sisters, twins, Veronica and Victoria, started second grade this year. (My parents had no trouble conceiving me, but they had to use fertility drugs for the second and third pregnancies, resulting in two multiple births, which consisted of my siblings, Aidan and Achilles, and Veronica and Victoria. Veronica and Victoria look identical, but they have never been tested.)

Ryker's parents are doing okay. His father had a heart attack. He's doing much better now. It came as a complete surprise because his father isn't overweight, doesn't smoke, he keeps his cholesterol under control and walks everyday, rain or shine. The doctor said it was considered mild. Ryker said he would hate to see a severe one. His mother is doing well despite everything. Her husband's heart attack was a wake up call. She and Ryker are so much alike. They both prefer being at home more than anything, they're both great cooks, and they both like to lie around, reading books. Now, they are being more active. She and Ryker join his father when he goes for his daily walk. I think the heart attack was a wake up call for all of us, really.

My dearest friend, Daisy, is doing better. She is in her second year of remission. Her strength and energy are starting to return, and she's enjoying being able to do "mom things" with her two children. Her life is nowhere near normal still with doctor visits and testing every three months, but she and her husband, Steve, are thrilled for what little bit of normalcy they are experiencing.

That's about it for updates on our families. On with our year!

January: This month is usually our slow month, and this past January was no exception. We had tons of snow that month, which forced us to sit inside and do nothing, which is what we wanted to do in the first place. But it's difficult to do nothing when you have two sets of twins. We're usually saying "NO," and "STOP THAT," at some point to our two year old twins, Hannah and Katherine (Katie), or one year old twins, Madeline (Maddy) and Gregory. Most of those two phrases are reserved for Gregory, our little explorer/daredevil. (And I have no idea where he gets that from! Ryker and I are so not adventurous! The most adventurous thing we did was go to Rio for our honeymoon.) The most exciting thing that happened that month was that Gregory scared us half to death by climbing to the back of the couch in the living room, and falling right onto the hardwood floor. He busted his forehead, which looked scarier than it really was. We thought he broke his arm the way he fell on it, but it was just bruised. Ryker and I packed up all four of them and rushed to the hospital. I sobbed all the way there. I was worried that everyone would think I was a bad parent. But other than a few x-rays of his arm and a band aid, he was perfectly fine. Needless to say, we had carpeting installed at the end of the month.

February: February was definitely the worst month out of the year for us. The first week of the month, I got really sick with a stomach virus and ended up being hospitalized due to dehydration. I spent the night there on IV fluids. Several hours after I got home the next day, all four kids became sick. Then Ryker woke up in the middle of the night, sick. So we spent Valentine's Day at home. We had crackers and Sprite for dinner, and took turns taking care of four sick toddlers.

The following Friday night, the 23rd, Ryker's parents offered to take the children for the evening so Ryker could take me out for a late Valentine's Day dinner. We had wonderful time eating French food and talking. We finished off dinner with coffee and dessert at an intimate coffee house down the street from the restaurant. I was tired, so Ryker stopped by the house, took me in, and left to pick up the kids from his mom and dad's. He called me ten minutes later. I answered the phone, just expecting him to tell me he was on his way home. I said, "Are you on your way?" He said, "Leah, my dad's having a heart attack." He was very frantic. I was shocked. He said they were waiting for the ambulance. Since my parents live right across from the hospital, I called them on three way to explain what happened and see if Ryker could drop the kids off with them. They were totally fine with it. I told Ryker to call me when the ambulance arrived, and I would meet them in my car at the hospital. Ryker's father spent the last six days of February in the hospital, and that was only a mild heart attack.

Daisy's 26th birthday happened two days after the heart attack. I left Ryker long enough to help Gabrielle and Tallullah with the surprise we had already planned, then went straight back to Ryker's side at the hospital. Daisy understood completely. She's such a sweetheart. After all she's been through, she spent the rest of the week making meals for us and the kids, and sending them to the hospital with Steve.

March: March was like a lion this year, snowstorms, thunderstorms, flooding, but nicer weather arrived more toward the end of the month. Ryker's dad spent the majority of the month going to doctor's appointments and rehabilitation. We kept our schedules free aside from work in case his parents needed us.

March 2nd, our friend, Paul, celebrated his 27th birthday. He and Peter, whose birthday is March 31st, usually celebrate together. (They're like brothers.) Ryker, along with Peter and Steve, took him out to eat at his favorite BBQ place. They embarrassed him by having the servers sing to him for his birthday. Then, the guys went to a boxing match.

Daisy's daughter, Ashtyn, celebrated her second birthday on the eleventh. Ryker and I took our brood over to help her celebrate. Ashtyn loves other children, and she enjoyed having the girls and Gregory there. She was introducing them to her big brother, Declan, and he laughed and said he had already met them. He was trying to teach them French. (He is very smart.) Hannah paid close attention. Katie busied herself with her hat, which she put in her mouth. Maddy fell asleep. Gregory walked around, exploring Steve and Daisy's house. Declan gave up on giving a French lesson and took Gregory throughout the house, with Ryker watching them, showing him the downstairs.

March 31st, Peter and his twin sister, Kate, celebrated their 27th birthday. They went out to dinner, but the guys got together the following weekend to give him the gifts from all of us.

April: Due to all of the crazy weather, April was when things began budding and growing, which meant allergy season had arrived. Hannah and Katie inherited Ryker's allergies, so the three of them sniffled, sneezed, and coughed their way through the month. Maddy, Gregory, and I were fine. (Maddy and Gregory take after me and my side of the family, but Hannah and Katie are Ryker through and through.) I decided now was the time to start potty training, since Gregory and Maddy had shown an interest. Hannah and Katie were mostly potty trained by Thanksgiving last year, and I am happy to report that they are doing very well. They were wearing pull ups to bed, but after a few months of neither of them wetting the pull up, I tried a few nights of them wearing "big girl panties" and they have been successful for the most part since. But Gregory and Maddy were not interested in the potty when I Ryker and I trained Hannah and Katie. Now, they are. We bought two more potty chairs because Gregory said he wasn't using a "girl's potty". And I couldn't blame him. Hannah and Katie's potties had cute little pink bears on them. So far, Gregory is getting the hang of it. Maddy seems bored and somewhat disinterested. She will go and sit on her potty when Gregory goes, but she hasn't figured out that you're supposed to put your pee and um...other things in it, to put it politely.

Tallullah's 26th birthday was the 26th. Tallullah is very adventurous, so we took her to this new extreme sports place. It's a huge building with rock climbing walls, and zip lines, stunt driving, and obstacle courses, stuff that was right up her alley. The guys thought it sounded awesome, so they came with us. It was more fun than I expected it to be. I didn't do all of the extreme things. I did climb the little rock wall, as did Daisy and Gabrielle. The guys, except for Ryker, had fun on the zip lines. Ryker climbed the second highest rock wall, while Paul and Tallullah scaled the largest one. They also had a paint ball field, so we formed teams, girls against guys. Us girls actually won! It was so much fun.

May: This month consisted of Zephra and Zane's birthdays. (Their birthdays are a day apart, so Tallullah does one party for both of them.) The kids all had the best time!

May 29th was our third wedding anniversary. We spent the weekend before, the 24th through the 26th, in Los Angeles to celebrate, while my parents were nice enough to watch all four children. (We're still giving Ryker's parents a break after everything his father has been through.)

June: This is probably one of the busier months. We usually go on vacation, but this year, we decided to stay home. Ryker felt apprehensive about leaving his parents. His parents didn't even go out of the country this year to visit their extended families in Israel and Cambodia. (Ryker's mother is half Cambodian, and his father was born in Israel. Ryker has four half sisters in Israel from David's previous marriage. He has his grandfather and aunt in Cambodia. We've been to Phnom Penh and the surrounding area a few times, but we have yet to go to Tel Aviv because his half sisters have been great about coming to visit us. We plan to go with David and Monica next year.) So we stayed home and lounged around in our private beach backyard. Ryker took Hannah and Katie into the ocean this year. They had a blast!

June 27th was Ryker's 26th birthday. I asked him what he wanted, and he said he would like to grill out and have our friends over to hang out on the beach. I didn't want him to have to cook on his birthday, but he's very talented at cooking, and he loves it. I'm very surprised he didn't ditch law school to go to culinary school. (I've gained fifteen pounds since we got married! Even after losing all the baby weight from both pregnancies, I still wasn't able to lose those fifteen extra pounds!) I didn't let him make his own cake, though. I made a beach themed cake with Daisy's help, and left it over at her and Steve's place. They brought it with them when they arrived. Daisy, Gabrielle, Tallullah, and I lounged in our swimsuits on the beach. (I used to wear a bikini, but since I've had four kids in two pregnancies, I wouldn't dare now. Daisy, Gabrielle, and Tallullah still look awesome in their bikinis. Yes, I'm a bit jealous, but I love them anyway!) The guys surfed, all except for Paul, who entertained all of the kids by taking them on a seashell hunt, and enlisting their help to build several sandcastles. He even built one for Gregory, so he could stomp it and act like he was terrorizing a huge city. Paul is great with children. (I'm sure if it were up to him, he and Tallullah would have six by now!) Paul and Tallullah's daughter, Zephra, and Steve and Daisy's son, Declan, who are the oldest of out the children, helped Paul out tremendously. My parents and Ryker's parents came later. They stayed for dinner, which consisted of steaks, baked potatoes, and a large veggie filled salad with homemade croutons, real bacon bits, and several homemade dressing choices.

July: We had everyone over for fourth of July. Once again, Ryker grilled out, this time it was just hamburgers and hot dogs though. Then, he helped my father set off fireworks on the beach. All of the children were captivated. After the fireworks were over, Katie toddled over to me, hugged me, and informed me that she had the best day ever. That's something I would have expected from Hannah. Hannah's like me, she will chat you up the whole day if she knows you will listen to her, she loves to be snuggled and cuddled, and she will say what she's feeling at any given moment. Katie's independent, and she NEVER says what she's feeling, so it was a very pleasant surprise.

July 21st was Gabrielle and Peter's youngest son's birthday. Phoenix turned two that day. Gabrielle and Peter hosted a party for him at their home, Black Manor. It was a good day for Phoenix, but he ended up spending the night at Wallace Memorial due to a scare where he wasn't breathing well, but he's fine now.

I had to take some time off in July because Ryker was handling a HUGE case, and he had to be in court for almost three weeks straight. My parents were out of town, and Ryker's parents helped as much as possible, but I still wasn't comfortable laying it all on them.

In August, I reluctantly let Hannah and Katie go to daycare. Since they're just three months away from their third birthday, now is a critical time for them to develop social skills that are detrimental to their mental growth and development. It's a great daycare center, and the staff does not just watch the children, they introduce the basics of preschool, letters, numbers, colors, and memory exercises. They even teach sign language! I didn't think Maddy and Gregory would benefit from it just yet. The older girls being in daycare helped Ryker out tremendously. He was able to get more work accomplished. His parents were starting to miss the kids, so they would come over and entertain Maddy and Gregory. They even started picking the girls up from daycare so Ryker wouldn't have to stop what he was doing. We sat his parents down and asked if they were sure they were ready to take on the kids again, and his father told us to stop fussing over him and let him enjoy his grandchildren. So we did.

Steve's birthday was August 25th. The guys took him to Vegas. Steve had not been away from home other than work since Daisy got sick, so the guys thought it would do him some good to go on a weekend trip to Vegas. I think Ryker was concerned that they would end up having a "Hangover" experience there. Peter admitted that he was going to live it up. Steve was worried about being away from Daisy. Paul couldn't wait to see the lights. They had an experience for sure. Peter got plastered and hit the casino. He lost fifty thousand dollars, which Steve not only won back for him, but doubled it, and almost got himself in trouble. They were asked to leave the casino. Thankfully, Steve was able to get Peter out of there before he lost more money and challenged several people to a fight. (Peter thinks he's ten feet tall and bulletproof as it is, and it's worse when he's inebriated!) Paul and Ryker played a few slot machines, got bored, and decided to go check out some of the luxury hotels and five star restaurants that Vegas had to offer. The trip home was fun, and I say that with the utmost sarcasm. Peter was severely hungover. The flight was turbulent, so Ryker was motion sick. (He does not travel well.) Paul was disappointed because Vegas wasn't anything he thought it would be, and Steve couldn't wait to get home. Of course, they all laugh about it now. They still tell Steve that he should forget about the whole oncology career and become a professional gambler.

September: Gabrielle and Peter's son, Logan, turned three on the fourth. We took our four children over to celebrate with him. Logan was very happy to have them over. He got a brand new car that he can drive around in, and he took all of the kids for a ride. Maddy surprised us by wanting to be the first one to go for a spin. Like I said, she's usually very content to sit in one spot and do one thing all day. I think Logan was shocked, too, because he said, "Are you sure?" And she said she was. (My children constantly surprise me. They're great. Two sets of twins can be quite the handful, but I wouldn't trade any of them.)

September 10th was my birthday. When I came home from work that day, Ryker had a hot bubble bath, complete with rose petals floating on top of the water, waiting for me, along with the book I had wanted, and a glass of non alcoholic white wine. Ryker saw to it that I got in and got settled, then he took the kids outside while I laid in the tub and read my book. He had my mother take the kids for a few hours while he prepared steak and lobster tail with baked potatoes and salad. We had dinner on the deck overlooking our beach backyard. We ate and watched the sunset.

On the fourteenth, the girls kidnapped me and took me to the tea room, where they had an intimate tea party in my honor. They gave me some very nice gifts. We talked, laughed, and had a great time. When I got home, I was surprised to see my mother, Ryker's mother, Hannah, Katie, and Maddy, seated at the dining room table, where they held a tea party for me! Ryker, my father, and his father, took Gregory to the Barkely Academy high school football game. Gregory had the best time! He went on and on about it when they got home! He kept saying, "Ball, Mommy, ball, football, kick, fans." He was beyond thrilled. My little boy had his first guys night out!

October: Gabrielle turned 26th on the first. She was out of town on her actual birthday, but the girls and I took her to the spa for a day of pampering when she returned home.

Halloween is at the end of the month. Ryker and I are not extremely big on Halloween, but Hannah and Katie became interested because their daycare was having a Halloween party. So I took them out shopping for a costume. I was concerned about what they would want to choose, but I was pleasantly surprised. Hannah wanted to be a butterfly. Katie announced that she would also like to be a butterfly, but not the same one as her sister. I managed to find two different colored butterfly costumes. Hannah was a Monarch butterfly, and Katie's butterfly costume had a blue and purple design in the wings. When Maddy and Gregory saw the girls costumes, they wanted in on it as well, so I took them shopping. Maddy wanted to be a flower. That was easy enough. I found a sunflower costume. And Gregory decided that if his sister was going to be a flower, he was going to be a honey bee.

On Halloween night, we took them to our regular church, where they were having a safe trick or treat. (Ryker's mother is Catholic, his father is Jewish, and we are Christians, so we go to three different churches. So when I saw our regular church, I mean the non-denominational Christian church.) They also had a costume judging contest. All of the kids got something for dressing up, but Maddy and Gregory won first place in the costume contest! Gregory toddled over and accepted their certificates and their trophy and thanked everyone. He didn't understand that he had to give the trophy back so their names could be engraved on it. We convinced Maddy to go up and have her picture taken with her twin brother.She reluctantly agreed. She walked over. Gregory held one side of the trophy, and she held the other. The church photographer took several pictures. Then Maddy leaned over and kissed Gregory's cheek. They ended up using that picture on the front page of the church bulletin the following Sunday. Gregory was so excited! He exclaimed, "It's us!"

November: This is our month of planning for the holidays and for our children's birthdays. At this point, I've figured out what themes the children want for their parties. Hannah and Katie's party is the easiest to plan. Hannah likes pink and Katie likes purple. So I incorporate both of their favorite colors into the decorations. I get both pink and purple streamers, plates, party favors, wrapping paper for their gifts, and etc. This year, they're fine with a pink and purple party again. Maddy and Gregory's party is a different story. As they get older, I wonder how I am going to plan a party for them. Right now, they coordinate everything, like they did with their costumes. Gregory is sweet enough to let Maddy decide first, then he chooses something that goes with what she wants. I sat them down and asked them what they wanted for their birthday party theme. Maddy looked thoughtful, and she said, "A Christmas Birthday!" Gregory agreed. (Last year, Maddy wanted a red theme, and Gregory wanted a blue theme.) So I asked them if they were sure, and they nodded. I didn't think it would go over well because Christmas is just three days after their birthday, then Hannah and Katie's birthday is on New Year's Eve (which means that I will have four two year old children for ten days in December, but do I have a reality show on TLC, no). I talked to Ryker, and while his mother and my mother watched the kids together, we went shopping for the birthday parties.

While we were out, Ryker went ahead and purchased the groceries for Thanksgiving dinner, which was held at our house this year. We usually have two Thanksgiving dinners. We eat dinner with one set of parents on Wednesday, and the other on Thanksgiving Day. This year, we decided to combine them all on Thanksgiving Day. Our dining room table seats ten. Our kitchen table seats six. So we decided to bring our kitchen table into the dining room, put it in the corner, and let my little sisters sit there with our four children. Hannah and Katie can sit in their booster seats, while Maddy and Gregory are in their highchairs.

Thanksgiving Day went well for the most part. Katie was extremely crabby, and at times inconsolable. She wanted Ryker, but he was busy cooking dinner. I just wasn't good enough for her. At dinner, she threw such a horrible fit that Ryker gave up and put her in his lap so she would give our ears some peace. He was able to get her calmed down and fed. I feel like such a bad parent for saying this, but when she fell asleep in his lap, I wanted to break into the Hallelujah chorus! I don't think she felt very well, but I don't know. I never really figured out why she was so upset.

I skipped Black Friday shopping this year, instead sending money with my mother. My mom and Ryker's mom did their shopping together. It's become a tradition for them.



(Ryker's Mom and Dad's tree in their living room, and the beginnings of other decorations.)


Once Ryker's mother returned from Black Friday shopping, Ryker, the children, and I, went over to help them decorate their home for Christmas. Ryker made white bean chicken chili for lunch, his dad brought the tree up from the basement, and his mother and I unwrapped ornaments. We let the children hang the shatterproof ornaments, and they were all eager to help this year. (Last year, Maddy and Gregory were too young, and Katie, who didn't quite understand the concept, kept putting ornaments in her mouth.)




(Ryker's Mom and Dad's spiral staircase.)


I did the lighted garland on the stairway! I was so proud of myself! Maddy sat at the bottom of the spiral staircase and watched as I carefully hung the garland.

After lunch, Ryker and his father tackled the task of putting the trees together, then the eight of us decorated them. Hannah and Katie wanted Ryker to lift them up so they could hang the ornaments higher. And of course, Maddy and Gregory wanted to do that as well. (It's the whole, "Monkey see, Monkey do" law that often occurs when you have more than one child.) My precious little Maddy wanted to give the tree a hug once we were finished. Obviously, that was impossible.



(Decorations in Ryker's Mom and Dad's family room. They even got a stocking for me!)


Ryker's father helped Hannah and Katie hang the stockings. (The kids don't have stockings. Ryker's mother got them those pets that you can hide stuff in, and that serves as their stocking. They don't know that yet, but I know they're going to be so excited!) 

Ryker's parents insisted we stay for dinner. Of course, they have all of the things required for our four children. They have two booster seats and two high chairs, bibs, sippy cups, the whole nine yards. We used to just bring Hannah and Katie's things over, but when we found out I was having another set of twins , Ryker's mom and dad started buying things to keep at their place for the four grandchildren. We sat down to dinner around six-thirty. And as a treat to round out the evening, Ryker's mother made cookies. She enlisted the help of Hannah and Katie, who were thrilled. Maddy wanted to watch, so I took her into the kitchen. She was so well behaved. She watched quietly as her big sisters helped roll out the cookie dough. Hannah got to use the cookie cutter, but Katie was apprehensive about it. It was a good day.




(My Mom and Dad's sitting room tree.)

December: We decorated our house for Christmas on December first.

The following weekend, Ryker and I packed up the kids and went to help my parents decorate their house. Even though my mother usually has Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner catered, (everyone brings a side dish or two, and she still makes a lot of side dishes, but it's more convenient to have the caterer prepare the turkey or the ham for our large family for the holidays) she would rather us get together and decorate for the holidays instead of hiring a decorator. She always does something elegant and fancy for the sitting room, since that's the first room everyone will see when they come into the house. She decided to go with a predominantly silver theme this year. Last year, she did gold and cream, which looked awesome. And she always gets a real tree for the sitting room, too. Dad, Aidan, and Achilles go out, cut down the tree, and haul it back to the house because that's how much they love my mother. Ryker always puts the star on top. He's the tallest, so it just works out that way. It smells heavenly, especially when Mom puts cloves and cinnamon sticks among pine the branches.



(My Mom and Dad's family room tree.)


My parents let us decorate the family room. Since I don't live there anymore, Ryker and I simply help rather than tell them what should be done. Veronica, Victoria, and I, put this tiny tree together ourselves. We hung the personalized stockings (which were not hung when the picture was taken). Mine goes in the middle, Veronica and Victoria's stockings go on either side of mine, and then Achilles and Aidan's stockings go on each end.

We had dinner with my parents and siblings, which consisted of Chinese takeout. Mom and Dad had put in a full day at the hospital, and they just wanted something we could grab and eat.




(Ryker and I made cookies. We decided to let Hannah and Katie help, since they did such a good job helping Grandma Tenenbaum.)

Friday, after we put Maddy and Gregory to bed, Ryker and I decided to let Hannah and Katie stay up for an extra hour to help us make cookies. I washed their little dimpled hands, feeling a bit sad because I knew they would be turning three two weeks from now. And I sat them at the table, put their little personalized aprons on them, and rolled out the dough. (I found their little aprons online.) I gave them each a cookie cutter, and Ryker showed them how to use it. This time, Katie participated.

I iced the cookies, and Ryker showed the girls how to put sprinkles and colored sugar on top of them. Hannah did very well. Katie completely covered one cookie with sugar, so we had to take the shaker away. She wasn't happy. After the cookies were done baking and cooled, we let them each have half of a cookie. This satisfied them. They both went to bed without argument a half hour later.



(The cookies Ryker and I made!)

After we put the girls to bed, Ryker and I made cookies. They turned out beautifully.

Christmas is less than two weeks away. Maddy and Gregory will turn two in just three days. Hannah and Katie will turn three on New Year's Eve. It's a bittersweet moment. They're growing up, much to my chagrin. I admit, I had a difficult time when they arrived three years ago. I didn't think I would ever get the hang of motherhood (part of it was post partum depression, which I did not have the Maddy and Gregory, oddly enough), but I've found my groove. It's stressful at times, but I could not imagine my life without my four beautiful children. And believe it or not, I miss the baby stage at times. I don't miss the diapers and the spit up, but I miss cuddling them, and the bond that comes with breast feeding. I remember how excited Ryker and I were to see them take their first steps and hear their first words. I think the worst part of parenthood now is watching them grow up because it goes by so fast. It really does. I'm afraid I'll blink and miss a few years. The one thing I'm not going to miss; POTTY TRAINING!

And on that note, I will close!

I hope your year was full of surprises, good memories, and lots of precious time with your loved ones!

Merry Christmas, From Our Home to Yours,

Ryker, Leah, Hannah, Katherine, Madeline, and Gregory

Christmas Letters Part One!

It's that time of year, and once again, Christmas isn't the most wonderful time of the year here at the Townsend cottage. Rather than complain about how bad things are since Doug lost his dream job in August, I am going to compose a letter from the characters in my book series. The good news is that since our holiday isn't the most wonderful, you get to see a glimpse of how Christmas is going for my characters.

All photos used in my Christmas Letters posts are from weheartit.com. (I chose the ones that looked the most like how the picture of my characters homes that I have in my head.)

Despite the fact that our Christmas season isn't a happy one, my husband and I wish you a very Happy Christmas and a Spectacular New Year! We hope it's much better than ours!

Anyway, on with the letter!

December 2013

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season this year. I cannot believe it's already that time of year! We're slowly piecing everything back together since I went into remission last March. This year has been quite busy. I've regained some of my strength, but I'm not quite back to my "normal" self, whatever that may be. It's been so long. 

I'm enjoying being an active part of my children's everyday lives for the first time since Ashtyn was born. She's already two years old, now. She will be three in three months, which is so hard to believe. 

Steve's still working at Wallace Memorial Hospital, where his oncology practice is located.

Last year and the year before, I only sent out cards. I just wasn't up to writing letters the past two years. I'm sure you can appreciate why. So many things have happened since my last letter two years ago, and there are many new changes that I have to share with you, so I'm going to try to fit two years worth into this year's letter. Please bear with me.

Since Steve and I returned home from London, where I was receiving treatment, in September of 2011, we have tried to get back into the swing of things, but there's no real normal when you have cancer. Thankfully, our friends, Trevor and Benjiro, were staying here with us, and they helped us out greatly. We had an elevator installed in our home so Benjiro, who lost the use of his legs after an injury and has to rely on a chair to get around, could go upstairs to the second floor. Steve also found it easier to move me to and from the second floor in the elevator as well. (He was carrying me up and down the stairs.) Benjiro stayed with me while Steve and Trevor were working.

I was hospitalized in October 2011 for anemia, which was caused by the treatment. While I was there, I got some good news from the doctor. Treatment was actually making a difference! I was released after an almost two week stay at Wallace Memorial Hospital. The next day, Steve received a phone call from a lawyer in London. His cousin passed away due to an accident while I was in the hospital, and they were looking for someone who could take his three year old son. Steve and I discussed it. We both felt like there was a possibility that I would never be able to have children again. We called my parents and his parents, and we prayed about it. (I'm sure people probably thought we had no business taking on another child with the stressful situation we were going through, but I don't regret it, not in the least.) Steve and his father went to London to sign the paperwork and begin the adoption process, and they returned with our three year old son, Declan Steven McAuley, on October 31st.

Steve and I fell in love with Declan from the moment he came home. He is an adorable little boy, intelligent, and his British accent just added to his adorableness. He looks a lot like Steve's paternal side of the family. His hair is wavy and the same shade of dark brown/auburn as Steve's father's. He has two different colored eyes. One of them is dark blue and the other one is dark brown. Steve explained that this condition is called complete heterochromia iridis. (Sometimes the word iridum is used instead of iridis.) And little three year old Declan told us that it runs in the McAuley family. I was so shocked that he had such information! 

Declan was thrilled to find out that he had a little sister. I think Ashtyn was just as thrilled to find out that she had a new big brother. They instantly bonded. Her first actual word, aside from "Mama" and "Dada" was "Declan". He got such a kick out of it that. He spends nearly every waking moment with her.

Then, on November 20th, just a few short weeks after he arrived here, Declan turned four. We threw a huge party for him. Unfortunately, I was having a bad day physically, so all I could do was lie on the couch and watch the party as it went on. Everyone took turns keeping me company, including the birthday boy. He walked in and sat down next to me. I told him to go back and enjoy his party, and he said, "But I want to take care of you." This kid has a heart of gold!

Christmas wasn't the best for me, but I put on a brave face for Declan, who thanked us profusely for every single gift we got for him. He hugged me, Steve, and Ashtyn, and said, "The best present I ever got was you." He made me cry! I could tell Steve was on the verge of tears, too.

We rang in the new year, 2012, with our four year old son.

The stress began getting to all of us in January 2012. Things were very difficult for a while, even Declan and Ashtyn were feeling the stress. At one point, Declan expressed his fears about losing us as his parents. He even went up to his room and started packing his things. When Steve went up to talk to him, Declan announced that he was moving back to England and taking Ashtyn with him. Steve got him calmed down, and we sat him and down and asked him why he thought he was going to lose us, and assured him that we were not going anywhere. Then, on Valentine's Day, for the first time, instead of calling us by name, he called me "Mummy" and Steve, "Daddy". (That later became "Mumsy and Dadsy" which to this day makes Ashtyn giggle uncontrollably.) That was one of the happiest days of our lives.

I celebrated my 25th birthday on February 25th, 2012, just eleven days after Declan called me "Mummy". I honestly did not expect to see twenty-five, but I did. That in itself is a miracle.

In March of 2012, Ashtyn turned a year old. Ashtyn had not expressed any real interest in any specific thing, aside from the color "red". She wants a red everything. She wants to drink out of the red sippy cup, wear her red dress, a red head band, red shoes, and she loves the ruby slippers in The Wizard of Oz. She'll say, "Ooooh, red," when she sees them. So we ordered red party decorations, and a red velvet and white checkered birthday cake with white icing. "Happy 1st Birthday, Ashtyn," was written in red icing, and we had the ruby slippers drawn in icing on the cake with edible red glitter on them. She yelled, "THANK YOU," the moment she saw the cake. It was totally worth it!

We had an intimate party for her, mostly just family. I was a nervous wreck because Steve and I were waiting for my test results.The phone rang when Declan helped Ashtyn blow out her candle. Steve practically dove for it and answered it before it could finish ringing. It was the nurse. She told us to get down to the office as soon as we could. The doctor wanted to see us in person. We left Declan and Ashtyn in the care of my parents and Steve's parents, and headed straight to the doctor's office. The doctor stepped into the room before we even had a chance to sit down. He told me that my bhcg level had remained at zero during the last three clean up courses, and that I was in remission. Then, he told us to take all the time we needed, stepped out of his office, and shut the door. Steve and I sat there in his office holding hands for about ten minutes before we could say anything. I cried tears of joy all the way home. And since our families were there for Ashtyn's party, we got to share the happy news with them. Ashtyn was too young to understand what was going on, but Declan was as thrilled as we were. After the party ended, I called Gabrielle, Leah, and Tallullah, and gave them the good news.

(While I'm thrilled to be in remission, I still have to go in periodically for tests. So far, we've had one scare, but everything is fine. The doctor is surprised at how well I'm doing. Steve thinks I'm taking on too much at times. He fusses over me. He's a natural born worrier. It comes with the territory, though. He's starting to relax more now.)

Our family took advantage of the down time we had from the middle of March until the end of August. I felt like we could finally relax since I went into remission. The kids and I spent time at home, playing games, coloring, drawing, doing crafts, baking cookies, and enjoying each other. Steve would join us when he got home from work each day.

Tallullah turned 25 on April 26th. Gabrielle, Leah, and I took her to lunch at her favorite barbecue place. Then we went to the mall. I was so tired. I'm still on the weaker side after everything I had been through, so Tallullah pushed me around the mall in my chair, popping wheelies, making engine noises, and being silly, which made the other people in the mall giggle at us. Despite how tired I was, we had a great day!

Trevor moved out at the end of May after he and his fiance, Amber, eloped. He lives on the other side of Forest Hills, just walking distance from us, with his wife and her three children. He's the head of the gastroenterology department at Wallace Memorial Hospital, so he and Steve see each other all the time.

Benjiro felt like he should move on as well, but he decided to stay close by in New York instead of returning to Japan. He's living in an apartment in Manhattan, he just started dating Elizabeth, and he's currently pursuing getting his US Medical License. (He's a licensed epidemiologist in Japan.)

Steve celebrated his twenty-fifth birthday on August 29th. (Yes, he's only 25 and an oncologist. He's a prodigy.) Gabrielle, Leah, Tallullah, and I arranged for Paul, Peter, and Ryker to take Steve out for his birthday. When they got back, we had a surprise party waiting for him. It was a great day.

At the end of August, Declan started kindergarten. He wouldn't turn five until November, but his preschool teacher felt that he was mature enough to handle kindergarten. He was actually working at a second grade level, but we wanted to see how he handled kindergarten. Declan is very creative, as well as intelligent, so he enjoyed some of the activities kindergarten had to offer, but he grew bored and restless, and he was starting to tell his teacher he didn't feel well so he could come home. We had him officially tested by the school counselor and found out that he has a very high IQ, and that he was working on a second and third grade academic level. We decided to let him go to second grade, but he did some of the same work that the third grade students did, such as spelling, reading, and math. He loves school now and is excelling academically.

September 10th was Leah's 25th birthday. Gabrielle, Tallullah, and I took her on a trip to LA on Labor Day weekend. We checked into this glorious five star hotel, where we spent three fun filled days and two nights. We took Leah to an upscale spa, where we were pampered, massaged, and relaxed. After the spa, we had an intimate lunch at the hotel right there on the balcony of our suite. It was such a beautiful day! We went shopping in Beverly Hills, got our hair and make-up done, and painted the town red. We had a great time!

Gabrielle turned 25 on October 1st. Unfortunately, Phoenix was in the hospital, but the girls and I brought her cake and gifts. We took her to dinner at a bistro down the street from Wallace Memorial Hospital, while Peter stayed with Phoenix.

Declan and Ashtyn experienced their first Halloween in 2012. He was "chuffed to bits" as he put it. He dressed up as a doctor, but not just any doctor, a surgeon. Steve ordered him some little blue scrubs and let him borrow his old stethoscope, the one he was issued in med school. Declan was over the moon! We took him trick-or-treating. Steve put my wheelchair in the trunk just in case I needed it, but I was able to walk around with them. Declan was glad that I was able to walk, but he offered to push me in my chair because he wanted to tell everyone I was his patient. I love that little guy so much! He's so funny! We dressed Ashtyn as a Monarch butterfly. She wasn't as excited as her big brother was. Declan would hold her little hand and walk her up to the door and show her off to everyone, proudly saying, "This is my Ashtyn." And Ashtyn would say, "My Declan." She did okay for the first half hour, then she started crying, so Steve carried her the rest of the way.

November 20th was Declan's fifth birthday. He had been living with us for one year and two weeks at this point. He didn't want anything specific. He said he had us and that was enough. He's such a good kid! Instead of decorations, he wanted us to make a banner of pictures of our lives since he arrived. (Did I mention that he's such a good kid?) We celebrated at home, just thankful to have each other, especially after all we had been through. He wanted to go to a museum and out to eat, so Steve took him out for his big day, while I stayed home with Ashtyn.

Thanksgiving 2012 was spent with my parents at their house. My mother and grandmother did all of the cooking. They let me help a little, but only from a chair at the kitchen table. My brother, Taven, finally brought his girlfriend of two years to dinner this year. She's very nice. Her name is Victoria, but she goes by "Tori". My brother, Tory's real name is Victor, like my grandfather, Victor, who also goes by "Tory", a nickname my grandmother gave him. Confusing, I know. So whenever my brother said, "Tori" or "Tory", two people turned around and asked which one they wanted. When my grandmother said, "Tory" or "Tori", three people asked which one she was talking to. It was hilarious!

Christmas of 2012 was much better than last year. I was feeling much stronger. I baked all sorts of goodies to hand out as gifts. Declan helped me decorate gingerbread men while Ashtyn decided to coat herself thoroughly with icing, which made Declan giggle until he cried. She had it everywhere! After I bathed her, Declan and I made cookies and Chex Mix for Santa. He even wrote a note to Santa, telling him that he left the milk in the fridge for him so it wouldn't spoil. He's so funny!

We spent Christmas morning together, talking, laughing, opening gifts, and singing Christmas Carols. 

We spent New Year's Eve of 2012 together at church, where we rang in 2013. Instead of facing the year with fear and trepidation, I couldn't wait to see what would happen next!

Our 2013 has been the best year so far! My 26th birthday was February 25th. It was another miracle to make it to my 26th birthday, and for that, I am thankful. Ashtyn's second birthday was on March 11th. She's walking and talking nonstop now, but I'm strong enough to keep up. And Steve's 26th birthday took place on August 29th.

The annual events took place as they always do, but they were all so much more special this year. We celebrated with our friends on our birthdays, we got together with family and friends for the holidays to exchange gifts, we attended our friends children's birthday parties, as well as theirs, celebrated their successes, and helped them through the hard times, the way they helped us. We celebrated these big events like they might be our last, and we truly cherished each other each and every day. I didn't have to wait until the holidays this year to realize how truly blessed I am.

Declan started third grade this year. He still loves school and is academically gifted. His teacher is already talking about letting him go to the fourth grade. I'm not sure if he's ready. I know I'm not ready. We compromised by letting him join the fourth grade class for Spelling and Math. Steve and I don't want him to be bored, but we both feel that his social skills are important, and may be ignored if he moves up another grade level. We have him eat lunch and go to recess with the first and second graders three days per week. He also goes on certain field trips with the first and second graders, depending on where they're going. He wants to be a crossing guard so bad, but we feel he's way too young for that right now.The kid has a lot of his plate these days, but he loves every minute of it.

For Halloween this year, Declan announced that he wanted to go as an oncologist. You could tell how proud Steve was to hear that! I wasn't sure how to dress Ashtyn, but she surprised us by saying she wanted to be a sock monkey. She wasn't as cranky this year. She walked with her big brother every step of the way and thanked the people who gave her candy.

November 20th was Declan's sixth birthday. He was too sick to enjoy it. I felt so badly for him. He just curled up in a ball on the couch and slept. He didn't even feel like having cake or opening gifts. We had originally scheduled his party for the 23rd, but we decided to reschedule it for the following Saturday, November 30th. We spent Thanksgiving at home, since Declan was ill. My mother brought some food and dessert to us and spent some time with Ashtyn.

Three days before the party, Steve, who never gets sick, came down with whatever Declan had. So with the help of my parents, we had to call everyone and tell them that the location for the rescheduled November 30th party had to be moved to Chuck E Cheese. My mother and I hosted the party while Steve stayed home in bed. Thankfully Ashtyn and I didn't catch whatever it was. Poor Steve is still on the weaker side. The good news is that we were still able to make the trip to France. We're spending Christmas in Paris with Steve's mother and father. We brought some of Declan and Ashtyn's gifts with us to open on Christmas morning, like new clothes and pajamas for both of them, a baby doll for Ashtyn, and a teddy bear for Declan. I'm sure Grand (Grandpa) and Glam (Grandma) have purchased some very nice things for the kids. (There are so many gifts that I'm sure some of them will have to remain here!) Once we get home, we will celebrate Christmas all over again. That gives Declan and Ashtyn something to look forward to, and it extends Christmas just a little longer. They still have gifts to open from Poppy, (my father) and Nonni (my mother) too!

After a seven hour and fifteen minute flight, first class, we arrived in France this morning at 8:25 at Charles de Gaulle Airport. We had breakfast with Steve's parents, Declan and Katerina (our Declan was named after Steve's father). Then, we took Declan and Ashtyn around the city. We went shopping. We stopped off at Katerina's boutique so she could show off her grandchildren.

The kids wanted to go ice skating. It was Ashtyn's first time. She handled it well. She's growing up. And it makes me a little sad. She giggled every time she fell on her bottom. I watched from a park bench as Steve, Katerina, Declan, and the children were having a good time. I decided to go out on the ice. It looked like so much fun. I used to go ice skating all the time. It wasn't long before I was showing Declan and Ashtyn tricks and jumps. They were very impressed. We had such a great time. I was so tired, but it was totally worth it.

We had such a busy day that we were ready to go unpack and take a nap. Steve's Mom and Dad took us to their place. After we unpacked our things, Steve, Ashtyn, and I napped for a couple of hours while Declan stayed in the study with Grand and Glam and worked a jigsaw puzzle.

Once our nap was over, the six of us sat down together and had a late lunch. When we finished eating, Declan announced that he wanted to go sledding. The grounds of McAuley Manor are quite large. We bundled up the children and ourselves, and went outside. I sat on the patio with Katerina while Steve and his father took turns pulling the sled around the yard, and carrying Ashtyn up and down the hills. Ashtyn was terrified the first time she went down on the sled. She started crying at the top of the hill. Steve asked, "Do you want to get off the sled?" And she's sobbing and saying, "no." By the time they got to the bottom of the hill, Ashtyn was squealing with delight. After the sled riding was over, the six of us built a snowman.

It was growing dark, so we went in and had some hot chocolate. We spent the rest of the day relaxing. Steve went to bed early. And I'm here, composing this letter to all of you, our cherished family and friends. Before I go, I'll enclose a few pictures. (They are in no certain order.) The top picture above is of Declan and Ashtyn, standing in front of Grand and Glam McAuley's tree next to the grand staircase.

(Declan and Ashtyn's tree. Declan wanted a red, white, and blue tree this year.)

(Peppermint hot chocolate that I made. It was my first attempt, but it turned out great.)

(Poppy and Nonni Rupert's sitting room tree. "Poppi" and "Nonni" are what my children call my parents instead of "Grandpa" and "Grandma".)



Poppy and Nonni's living room tree. My parents still hang my stocking over their fireplace, even though I'm married and no longer living with them.)



(The tree and stockings in Poppy and Nonni's sunroom. I know what you're thinking, "Why do Braxton and Rhiannon have five stockings when they only have four children?" Good question. Aside from me, there are my brothers, identical twins Taven and Tory, and my sister, Coreena. There are five stockings because one of them was for my brother, Colin, who was Coreena's twin. He was stillborn. My mother bought the stockings while she was pregnant with Coreena and Colin. Rather than return one of them, she kept the fifth stocking to honor Colin's memory.)



(Our neighborhood, viewed from the second floor hallway window.)

(Our tree in the sitting room of our house, and a bit of view into the formal dining room.)



(Baskets by the sitting room fireplace.)



(Our living room tree!)



(The rec room in the basement.)


(Our rec room in the basement decorated for Christmas.)



(Our family dining room, just off of the kitchen, decorated for the holidays.)



(A closer view of the decorations and tree in the family dining room.)



(Decorations by the back staircase in the hall beside the kitchen.)



(The study on the second floor of our house.)



(The fireplace in our study.)


And now, I will share some pictures of the trees here at Grand and Glam McAuley's spacious home in France. There are at least twenty trees here. I've only snapped pictures of a few so far.



(One of the trees here at Grand and Glam McAuley's house.)

(Grand and Glam McAuley's study/library.)



(The tree in the family room.)



(The tree and stockings in the playroom that Steve's parents put up just for Declan and Ashtyn. All of those gifts are for them, too! This room used to be the sewing room, where Steve's mother made her first wedding gown ever. A year later, production was moved to her boutique in downtown Paris, which was the first of many boutiques. The former sewing room sat empty until last summer, when it was turned it into a playroom for Declan and Ashtyn. Her first wedding gown sits in a glass case in the basement of her boutique. People from all over the world have begged to purchase it, but she refuses to sell it. A king and queen, she won't say from where, recently offered her one million dollars for that dress. She still declined.)



(Steve mother's tree at her boutique.)



(The tree in Grand and Glam's master bedroom. The whole master suite is decorated.)


Declan walked over and said, "Mumsy, I want to look at the rest of the trees." And Ashtyn just climbed into my lap and is looking up at me and smiling, so Katerina and I are going to show them the other trees and put them to bed.

That concludes the events and happenings with our family, but I look forward to writing to you next year. May your holiday season be filled with blessings and miracles!

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
The McAuleys

Steve, Daisy, Declan, and Ashtyn

Last Days.

The bible says "in the last days, I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh..." There's more to the scripture, but I want to focus on the part where it says, "Last Days".

Have you ever thought about your last days? I thought much more about it. It was the first thing that popped into my head after I read a post that Dr. Cranquis reblogged today. You can view his post here. It got me thinking. I’m always thinking of my last days at some point, due to chronic illness, because my days may have a shorter number. And, without giving too much away, one of my character’s days are also numerically shorter than most. I’ve composed the character’s bucket list. And I’ve been playing around with the thought of composing mine. Call it a bucket list, or a wish list, or whatever. Some of my entries are fun, and some are more serious and thought provoking. And these are in no certain order.

My Bucket/Wish List:

• Become a famous writer, like Stephen King (without the zombies and indian burial grounds), V. C. Andrews (without all of the fake pregnancies and overabundance of secrets), or J. K. Rowling (minus the magic spells) or even Stephanie Meyer (minus the sparkly vampires and werewolves).
• Become a doctor with two specialties; epidemiology and neurology.
• Travel/Live someplace where the season is Autumn all year long or travel to places where it’s Fall during our Summer!
• Get a tummy tuck. Find excuses and clothes in order to show off the doctor’s handiwork! (I’ve seriously never had a flat stomach, not since I was nine, not even when I was 99 lbs.)
• Crowd surf at a concert. (I wish it could be a Ramones concert, or a White Stripes concert. Any suggestions would be helpful.)
• Travel about Europe, and see ALL OF IT! (Not just England, France, and Scotland!)
• Try single malt Scotch, something oaky and at least twenty years old. (Before any of my Christian friends think I've gone off of the deep end, I just want to try it, not get drunk!)
• Try a martini. Already did that, and I wasn’t impressed. The olives were good, though.
• Go to Japan. See the view from the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building. (On a clear day, you can see Mt. Fuji!) See the rainbow bridge. See the Osaka sun. Take a rickshaw ride with my husband. Hold hands with said husband as we see the shinto shrines. Try Sake. Look at every single manhole cover. (They’re all different!) 
• Fall in love with my husband all over again.
• Never lose sight of what’s really and truly important. (God, Family, Country.)
• See my book series become a movie or television series and REALLY see my characters come to life!
• Have enough money to take care of myself, my husband, my family, and some of my friends.
• Meet every single one of my friends from the internet.
• Go to Australia. Meet Lori, Chop, and Bump, and some of her mates that she talks about on Random Ramblings of a Stay At Home Mum.com like Bunny. (Lori is the writer of the blog, rrsahm.com and talks about her experiences as a wife and mother, and dealing with life after the death of her husband. It’s her story to tell, so I won’t divulge any more details.)
• Meet the writers of the Houston Chronicle’s Good Mom Bad Mom Blog, Jenny Lawson and Mindy Sterba, and their families!
• Go to Corpus Christi.
• Laugh until I cry at the very least once per day.
• Have one more night with my friend Shelly#2 and truly go back to the way things were before. (My favorite memory of us was when we were hanging out in my bed, goofing off on our respective laptop computers, and I suddenly starting singing, “Doug is going to kick us out” to the tune of LL Cool J’s, "Momma Said Knock You Out." *lol* Anyway, we were laughing so hard, we were crying. And I know we were so loud. And Shelly#2 started joining in. And when we both got to the “chorus” part of the song, I sang, “So why does the Douglas always scream and shout,” and Shelly#2 and I sang in unison, "SHELLY(E)S, GET YOUR BUTTS OUT!” We stayed up until five a.m. laughing uncontrollably. And no, we weren’t under the influence of anything, just lack of sleep and caffeine. We told my husband about it the next day, and Shelly#2 said, “I sing that in the shower!” *LOLROFLMBO* I miss her. She and I were like Turk and J.D. on Scrubs. She was there for me at the beginning of my book, and I'm hoping she will be there for the end, but things change, and sometimes there is nothing you can do to stop them.)
• To see all of my friends happy, healthy, and successful.
• To see all of my family members happy, healthy, and successful, ALL OF THEM, including my husband’s family.
• For a cure to be found for Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (all forms of muscular dystrophy for that matter) so my nephew can have a future and a hope.
• To have at least one child, even if it’s just through adoption.
• To prove the impossible really exists.
• To take life by the horns and prove that I can indeed do it all.
• To truly love myself, love my body, and realize that I am beautiful.
• To realize how far I’ve truly come.
• To always have enough backbone to stand up for myself and to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves.
• To die on my feet and not live on my knees.
• To become a healthier, happier person in every aspect of my life.
• To kick OCD’s butt and leave it somewhere to die!
• Go to New York. Maybe even live there.
• Go to California.
• Go skiing/snowboarding.
• Play softball/basketball on a team.
• Relax for once in my life. Preferably in front of a large stone fireplace!
• Have a “Hangover” experience in Vegas with three close friends! (Maybe not.)
• See Jamie Jones deejay live in London!
• Leave behind a legacy.
• Save a life…(I do not necessarily mean as a doctor either.)
• Make sure everyone knows how important they are to me before I leave this world.
• To be a good role model.
• On my last day, I want to be surrounded by the people who are most important to me. I want a few moments alone with each of them, especially my mother and my husband. I would give my husband permission to move on with his life when the opportunity arose. I wouldn’t want him to spend his life mourning me. I would want him to find someone who makes him happy, someone who is healthy, who likes bowling and camping (two things I hate, but he loves) and someone who requires less care. Definitely someone who is not as high maintenance as I am, or as strict as I am, or as sick as I am, someone who is soft spoken and kind, not blatantly honest and harsh, like I am. And someone who loves to be snuggled 24/7. Someone who will take care of him even better than I did or could. And I would tell my mother that she was the best. She really was. I would tell her how she inspired me, and showed me that it’s never too late to achieve your dreams. She did. She’s an amazing woman, and she’s my hero. I could not have asked for a better mother. And I would apologize because I’m sure I could have been a better daughter. (I should just apologize for my teen years altogether! I was so stuck on stupid that I’m not sure how she or I survived it!)
• For everyone to remember me and laugh. I’m serious! I want my funeral to be like that commercial that was on in 2004, where the guy is rocking out to Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust” and when the camera zooms out, the guy is in the passenger side of a hearse and everyone is looking at him! *LOL* That’s what I want done on my way to the cemetery. I want two speakers in the back with my casket and for “Another One Bites the Dust” to be played loudly. I want my family and friends to have one last laugh. (I LOVE to make people laugh, but I wouldn’t be a very good comedian because I wouldn’t use some of the content most comedians use.) Alas, my husband refuses to fulfill this last wish.

That about sums it up. Some of these made me laugh uncontrollably. Some of these made me cry uncontrollably.

If I have inspired you to compose your wish list, please share it with me.

House M.D. Tribute.

House M.D. ended May 21st, 2012. It's probably going to be replaced with some sort of rubbish that is not the least bit funny nor educational. That's usually what happens. The network will probably end up putting another Family Guy-esque type show that's worse than Family Guy itself.

I'll stop whinging now.

Thanks for the memories!

The Whinge Blog.

I must be doing something right then...


So I'm exhausted. Yes, I know, that's my chief complaint these days. I've been packing it in early too. I've been averaging more sleep than my usual four to six hours per night, but I'm still exhausted. I've been getting up early every morning too, and it's been back and forth at the hospital. I'm sure you don't want to hear about this, because it's not pretty. I'm going to apologize up front for the sound emotional honking I'm about to perform as I give you this update on Doug's father.


Let's back up a bit to yesterday. The doctor informed my mother-in-law that my father-in-law had honked twice last night, and there was possibly another bowel blockage and he may have to undergo another surgery to repair it. They decided to stop his feeds because they were not going through his bowels properly due to the presumed blockage. Bad news. Also, when his restraints are loosened for P/T and O/T, he takes swings at nurses and other hospital staff. (He actually hit a nurse the other day.) And the other night, he told one of the nurses that he didn't want to do this anymore. That broke my heart. Today was a different story. They gave him Reglan to help his bowel, and apparently he is doing better. When I saw him today, the vent was on standby and he was breathing on his own, which is good. He also hasn't had to undergo dialysis for several days.

My father-in-law is doing so much better today, in fact, that my mother-in-law informed me that the doctors/nurses were thinking of sending him off to a nursing home already. Now, my mother-in-law has all of this hope at the thought of him leaving the hospital. I don’t think he’s ready. He’s still in the ICU, he’s still on the vent part of the time, yesterday another bowel blockage had been presumed, but not investigated, (and the story was different today), and obviously, the hospital may not think he’s ready because they haven’t discharged him yet. And don’t get me wrong, I know it sucks that he’s here in the ICU and that she can only stay with him from six a.m. (she goes in for the second visit at nine a.m.) to nine p.m. every single day, but every time my father-in-law shows improvement, my mother-in-law assumes he’s going to get better. That’s the problem. He’s not going to get better. He’s going to be moved to another facility, he’s going to improve for a while, but he’s still going to have dementia, and he will be back to the hospital again soon enough. It's a pattern that has developed since 2010. First, it was his bowels. Next was muscle degeneration, which is common with Lewy Body Dementia. Right now, it’s his kidneys and bowels. Next time, it could be liver failure, or heart failure! And this is going to continue until the end! This is the mess we’re going to have to go through repeatedly, and I’m already at the end of my flipping tether, and it seems like it’s too soon in the game for me to be at that point, but I am. I don't want to watch him go through this! It sucks, for lack of a better word; it sucks very badly!

I’m also upset that the hospital is apparently ready to ship him off to the nearest skilled nursing facility, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00. And the skilled nursing facility is going to make him undergo grueling physical therapy that his body is not up to handling, and they’re going to see that, and they’re going to tell my mother-in-law that my father-in-law is not benefitting from physical and occupational therapy, and that insurance will no longer cover it, and that they have to make other arrangements! It’s the same bloody story! I’ve read it before! Same chapter, same few pages, and it’s a children’s book because it has pictures! I don’t have to read the story, I can just look at the pictures and know how it's going to end! And it’s NOT the hospital’s fault because there’s not much they can do for someone with dementia, so they send him somewhere else, probably knowing he’s not really ready and that he's not going to have a full recovery, but the nurses and doctors and other staff need to deal with the patients they can treat, and that's how it is, and there's no need for an apology. Still, that doesn’t make me feel less frustrated and angry about the whole situation. My mother-in-law will have renewed false hope, my father-in-law still won’t receive any real help. It's sad and it's terrible, and I want to collapse to the ground and throw a ruddy tantrum, but that won't solve anything. Somebody help me make some sense of this! 

I don’t mean to be on the whinge about it. If I don’t calm down, I’m going to give myself a migraine (stress is one of my migraine triggers) or worse, ! Okay…calming down, happy thoughts, happy thoughts, picture things that make me happy. Honestly, the only thing that would make me happy right now is ice-cream, a funny book or a movie (and it can’t just make me chuckle, it has to make me guffaw), and sleep. *sighs* I did get my ice-cream, and I ended up passing out on the couch once I got home, but no laughter.

I'm tired. I'm going to go work on my book. It's been severely neglected since my father-in-law's hospitalization.

Sorry for whinging...seems to be my mantra these days.

Tired Tuesday.

I had so much to do yesterday that I barely made it to eleven o'clock last night!

Doug had the day off, so he asked me to pick his mom up and take her to the hospital for the nine o'clock ICU time slot. I am not a morning person, but my husband deserves a day to sleep in. Tuesday is his only day that he doesn't have somewhere to be in the morning. Every other day, he has to be at work, and Sunday, he has to be at church to take care of the media during both morning services, which is four, almost five hours of work. I understand why he wants to sleep in. So, I agreed to go pick her up and take her to the hospital. Unfortunately, I got an entire half hour of sleep on Monday night, I rush out the door at 8:30 yesterday morning, original sized can of Starbucks Double Shot in one hand, and a bottle of vanilla frappucino in the other. I cranked up the music and sped off, downing the double shot as I go.

Since I'm a coffee addict, I'm not big on energy drinks. But, when I'm that tired, I'll break down and have a double shot. It's expresso and cream, not a carbonated drink loaded with taurine, ginseng, and God only knows what else. I used to drink an energy drink called BAWLS. It tasted like strong Sprite, and I could work out for hours if I had one before aerobics class, but they stopped making it, or perhaps they just don't sell it around here.

I arrive at my mnl's around 8:45. The first thing she asked is if I'm drinking an energy drink. No, not really. Then, she goes on to ask if those energy drinks are healthy and if Doug should be drinking them. I don't go there. I just say, "I don't know," because I'm tired, cranky, and manky, and if someone starts asking me a bunch of questions, it can get ugly. The subject gets dropped, and we get on interstate. I downed my frappy. We got there in ten minutes, and I dropped her at the door. I decided to go in and see my fnl. I was already there, I had several other things to do before I could go home, and I wanted to see how he was.

My mnl was talking with the nurse when I got up to the fourth floor. I walked into my fnl's room. Usually, he's covered up, including his hands, which are still restrained, and for good reason. If he could move his hands, he would pull the tubes out. He always waited until my mnl went to sleep, and he would pull his NG tube out. Chances are, he would pull his vent out too. Where he has dementia, and the fact that he used to be a small engine mechanic, once he pulls the tube out, he will try to work on it with imaginary tools, or he will connect it to the other things he pulls out or off of him. Then, of course, the nurses have to put the things back in, which he HATES, but you can't reason with him. Yesterday morning, his hands were uncovered, so I could see that his hands, his right hand anyway, was swollen. I spoke to him and told him I was there. He's still had his eyes shut, but he moved around.

Usually, I'm in there with my husband and my mnl, and I'm the one telling them to leave him alone and let him sleep, explaining that he might be in pain, he needs his rest, and I certainly wouldn't want anyone to bother me if I was able to sleep through pain. I also stress the importance of not touching him or holding his hand very tightly due to swelling from IV fluids and dialysis. I don't touch him or get in his face, but my mnl insists on doing so. I say hello to him incase he's awake and he hears me, and I leave a few minutes early to let my mnl have the last ten minutes alone with him. Doug usually goes back to the ICU waiting area with me if he's there.

I stayed with him from 9:00 until 9:20, and I tell my mnl that it's 20 after nine, then I go to the ICU waiting area, giving her the last ten minutes of the half hour time slot. I checked my Facebook messages until she comes back. Then, we made our way to the cafeteria and sat down over a couple of cartons of Fat Free chocolate milk. I stayed until ten, then I left to run my errands. I made it home around eleven, and I was awake, so I sat down and got online for a bit. I transferred some files over from my book, then took a half hour nap. I was up to an entire hour of sleep.

I needed to pick up a tote bag for my mnl, so Doug and I went to the mall. I went to Old Navy and got her a lunch bag, and a small tote bag, and then, since I had birthday money, I perused the clearance aisle.

Seriously, I HATE SHOPPING. I am a hunter gatherer. I go to the store, buy what I'm there to purchase, hardly ever straying from the list, and I go home. Most guys would love that! My husband likes to look at things. I'm the one sitting there on the benches by the doors with all of the other husbands who are waiting on their wives to get their shopping finished. It's hilarious. They look at me like I'm crazy until they find out what my purpose there is. Like them, I am waiting on someone. That's the common denominator. Unlike them, the person I'm waiting for is in the electronics department.

Anyway, I find this shirt that I have been looking for in my size. I'm not an exact size. My shirts consist of XS, S, M, and a few L's. My jeans/dress pants consist of 3's, 4's 5's 6's, and S, or M. I have a few L's in those two, but mostly in my pajama pants. The baggier, the better. The shirt is a medium. I found a few more things, which took me a total for five minutes, and I go back to the fitting room and try them on. The shirt fits, that's the main thing I wanted. The jeans also fit. The tee shirt, which I found out was 49 cents, fit, and the other shirt fit. The two pairs of pants I found fit, but I didn't like the way they looked. I made my purchases, and we headed to Deb to peruse the clearance racks there. I knew they sometimes had totes for a good price, and I found a huge tote bag for cheap. I got it for my mnl too. So now she has two totes and a lunch bag, that way she can carry the things she needs with her while she's at the hospital.

Doug took me to eat a late lunch. At this point, I was starting to feel like I only slept for an hour, but I had a meeting to go to around seven. I stopped by the house to pick up the tiny laptop, and headed to the church. After the meeting was over, we went to visit my fnl.

My fnl was the same as he was before, eyes closed, unresponsive, and laying there in bed. My mnl talked to him and tried to wake him up, despite my protests. She said he squeezed her hand earlier and opened his eyes when she asked him to. Doug said hello, as did I, and I took a seat in the chair until the last ten minutes.

Once my mnl returned from the visit, we all head to the car. I leaned back and slept...UNTIL...Doug starts asking me where I want to go eat. That's when the sleep deprived rage came out. I'm nearly in tears as I tell him I really don't care. So he goes to Arby's, where we almost wreck into some red car, who is trying to back up, and we aren't even in the parking lot yet. To make matters worse, the red car pulls into the driveway. Doug pulls in behind him, and the red car tries to back up AGAIN! No sleep for me! We order the food, and we head home, hoping we don't run into anymore stupidity on the road.

I got home, ate half of my sandwich, and passed out on the couch. Doug and my mnl kept waking me up, so, the cranky version of me asks Doug to put me to bed. This was around eleven. He walks in with me, I change into my pajamas, run to the loo, and go to bed. I'm so tired I'm in tears. I lay down, laptop next to me, and sleep. Doug leaves to take his mom home.

For some odd reason, I wake up at midnight. I got on the computer for a few minutes. Doug came back home, surprised to see me awake. I looked at him and said, "I'm going to have a dekko at my book." He smiled and said, "Okay." He knew I was going to fall asleep with the laptop on my lap, fingers poised, ready to type. And he was right. I ended up laying my head on his shoulder, and that was it. I crashed into a deep and dreamless sleep. I'm guessing Doug had to put away the laptop, put it on charge. The next thing I know, Doug was taking me to the bathroom. I must have asked him to, and I was grasping for Tylenol in the dark. I asked him what time it was, and I think he said six, but I don't remember clearly enough. I took the Tylenol, my head was pounding, got a drink, and went back to bed. I remember Doug putting his arm around me, and then, it was one o'clock this afternoon.

I woke up. Doug was gone. There was a dull ache in my head. When I reached for my mobile phone and saw what time it was, I was shocked. I got twelve and a half hours of sleep, not counting the sleep I got in the car, and the sleep I got on the couch. I was shocked. I had set my alarm for eleven. My alarm tells me how much sleep I will get when I set it. Usually, it says something like, 4 hours and 21 minutes, or 6 hours and 1 minute. That's about what I average per night. I got double, almost triple, my average amount of sleep! It was like paradise!

Now before the lectures begin, I understand the importance of sleep. I understand it a great deal. I've done the research. The problem is I'm an insomniac workaholic perfectionist who is consumed by the book I'm working on. I've got until October of 2013. That is my goal for the first book. That's all the time I have. Is this an unrealistic goal? I don't think so. I've got 80% of the work done. I just need to finish the transfer, the editing, and rewrite some things from memory, and I do have an eidetic memory.

Here's the thing. A few days ago, I had this gut wrenching fear that just overtook me. I don't know if it was what somebody said, or what? It was just one of those things that made my heart stop. What if I fail? This thought came suddenly out of nowhere. What if I do all of this work and I fail? What if my dreams don't come true? Where the heck is this all coming from? I'm an excellent writer! I know this! I've written since I knew how to write! I have stories and poems and even books that I've written, I don't have them in my possession, but I wrote them! I was published in a church newsletter in 1998! The church didn't believe women had any business behind the pulpit, but even that preacher, who hated my guts, recognized that I was an excellent writer! He handed me the national newsletter and said, "Do you think you would be interested in writing for them?" I was floored! I said, "Absolutely." That was the only time that man ever told me he had confidence in me. If someone who didn't think very much of me as a person can recognize my talent, then why the heck can't I? *sighs* Maybe it's because I'm under stress, sleep deprived, exhausted, whatever the case may be. I don't know. Failure is not an option here!

If I'm good, why am I worried about failure? And, if it's not okay to fail here, why is it okay to fail in other areas of my life?

My other dream, most of you know, is med school. That's a thirteen year commitment, and it requires hard work, determination, dedication, and so much more. I have health issues. I'm not the healthiest person by any means. I'm a chronic migraine sufferer. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and I sort of have panic disorder. I say sort of because I used to have panic attacks all the time. I've had maybe three in 2011. (So far, in 2012, I came close to having one, but that was it.) I'm a perfectionist, I'm afraid of getting fat, and because of my OCD, I have some strange and irrational fears. Recently, I discovered that some of the odd fears I have are shared by many people. Sorry, I won't talk about it, but I will say that it's good that I'm not the only one. So you can see, I have so many reasons working against me.

People have asked me, "Are you sure you want to do this?" Yes, with all of my heart, I do. And there are people who have told me they don't think I can make it. A few of my friends are like, "We're definitely going to have to pray for you." I'm glad they will because I'm going to need it. I know I can make the grades. I can do the book work, the research, all of that. Those are my strong points. It's the rest of it I'm worried about. I've got to give it a try. I don't want to be sixty years old, looking back, wondering if I could have done it.

Despite having OCD and knowing I may very well not be able to handle it, someone told me not to let it stop me. She reminded me of the scrubs character, and said if he could do it, (even though he's not a real person) that I could. And I'm sure there are doctors out there with OCD. She has no idea how much it meant to me.

Bottom Line: I can't fail my first dream, because my second dream depends on it. Publish the books, get the money, go to med school. I can do this...

I think...


I think I need more sleep...