Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I Thought Of You...

I Thought Of You...

I thought of you and smiled today.
I love the way you make me laugh,
I love how we can be so real,
Yet be so guarded, tiptoeing
Around the things we really mean,
And how we really feel.
I love you...

I thought of you today and sighed.
I have this love sick feeling and,
Butterflies flutter about,
But suddenly I have some doubt
About the rules of love and war.
But then I think of you and grin.
I need you...

I thought of you today and prayed
About the feelings we must keep hidden
From all our friends and all the world.
Our love, a thing that's quite forbidden.
The line we have must not be crossed,
For many things would fall apart.
And though each other we would gain,
So much more would be lost.
I cannot have you...

I thought of you today and sinned.
The vain imaginations in my mind
Have captured me in every way.
The love we have, I know it's wrong,
But thoughts of you they seem to find
A way into my hopes and dreams,
And though it is an evil thing
To picture you and long for more
Though consequences will ensue,
Temptation, harder to resist,
And then I dream of just one kiss,
Just one touch, just one night,
Then back to normal things will go.
But we both know this just can't be,
This situation is macabre!
I want you...

I thought of you today and cried,
For love and friendship were confused,
And things revealed that had transpired,
How I needed you and you needed me,
And then I had to break away.
I felt like I was the one to blame,
Like I had teased and tempted and tried,
But our love I simply failed to hide,
From all our friends and all the world,
How could I as it shined from my face,
But inside, I was in deep despair.
I know I failed so many lives
By taking this precarious step,
And into your arms, I could have leapt.
Now I have to repent,
For I know the things I did were wrong,
Despite my heart and its desperate cry.
You were in my heart, a song.
Now I'm dying on the inside,
For what we have is gone.
I miss you...

I thought of you today and screamed.
How could you simply walk away
And leave me here to feel the pain,
The hurt, the shame, the guilt and more?
Is this what you were hoping for,
To see me fall apart and then,
Come to my rescue once again?
Your love, it must have been so fake,
You got over me like I meant nothing,
How could you do this to me?
Why? What did you really want?
It obviously could not have been the same
As what I wanted.
Was what we had just a game?
Was I a conquest for you to surmount?
I'm not as naive this time around.
In front of you, I'll stand my ground.
I'll walk in with my head held high,
While on the inside, I'll slowly die
Each time I have to look your way.
How much longer must I feel this pain,
This shame, this place you've left me in?
Abandoned, Dead, a life so grim!
But will you see me fall apart,
Or act as though you've left me dead?
I STILL can't get you out of my head!

I thought of you today and shrugged.
How do I feel about you now?
This hatred I can't carry around,
And let it capture everything,
For it will only bring me pain,
And sorrow, guilt, and anxiety,
These are the things I do not want.
Still abandoned but I understand,
It's not your job to pick them up,
The pieces you have left behind.
There are simply too many for you to find.
You knew me inside and out,
A tragic puzzle that cannot be solved.
Yet you attempted to find the answer,
And what you found,
Was it what you wanted all along?
Or were your feelings just as wrong?
You had so much more to lose,
I really, truly cared for you,
And honestly, I still do,
And I'm not angry anymore.
I wish we didn't have to close the door,
On the friendship we had and lost,
But had we continued, it would have cost
Much more than either of us could pay,
And would we still be together today?
Those questions will be left unanswered,
And things will be left unsaid.
Can we return to what we once had,
Without crossing the line?
Perhaps in due time.
We both know the danger.
Perhaps we would be better off as strangers.

I thought of you today and smiled,
And laughed, and cried, and hurt, and sighed,
For memories that come and go,
A friendship we shared, and a love that was grown,
And a heart that was broken, and tears that were cried,
You hold a special place in my heart, my life,
And even though the tears are dried,
The hurt has diminished and the anger has gone,
I'm not sure I can carry on,
And move on like I really should,
For in my heart it's understood,
The impact you have left behind.
Sometimes I'll laugh, sometimes I'll cry,
Sometimes I'll dream a little too long,
Sometimes I'll have strength to carry on.
Sometimes I'll be weak, and want to run
Back to you for love, advice,
For things you cannot truly provide.
Our love was revealed, we cannot hide,
For we fall back into roles so fast,
And once again, it wouldn't last,
And could we face our shameful past?
I couldn't and I hope you wouldn't ask,
For oh how easy it would be to say yes,
So this one thing I will suggest.
Think of me today and smile,
Shed some tears and laugh awhile,
Forgive me if you have the strength,
And if you hold a special place,
Inside your heart that's just for me,
I'll do the same, for I still care
About the many things we shared,
About the love that has transpired.
I'm still your captive in many ways,
Though I hope that this will start to change.
Please let me know that you're okay,
And for my good, please stay away.
I think of you...

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