Friday, March 30, 2012
Sleep...I get so little that when the chance comes around, I try to take it...
It started out as a bad day. Doug woke me up after I had only slept for two hours. I verbally assaulted him, although I don't remember half of what I said because I wasn't fully awake. My head was pounding, my body was throbbing, everything ached, and my eyes felt like they were burning in my sockets...I yelled, I screamed, I cried, and if I were awake enough, I might have thrown things. I'm not proud of myself, and I'm glad that Doug is very forgiving. I was exhausted, fatigued, and very stroppy.
We visited Doug's father at the hospital ICU, then had breakfast...I was so tired and upset that I had a nosebleed. I don't know if I was that upset, or if my blood pressure skyrocketed in my anger. Whatever the case, my body and my mind were just as mess!
Doug took me home. I changed into my pajamas, got into bed, but I was too tired to sleep. So I sent out a text asking for prayer for healing and rest. And I got what I asked for...
It was beautiful!
I turned the air conditioner on freeze out mode, turned up the fan, stretched out in bed, covered myself up in my snuggie, then topped that off with my sheet and comforter. I wrapped myself into a cocoon, even pulled the covers up over my face so that I saw nothing but dark...
The light pouring through the window didn't matter. The sound of the television started to fade, even the sound of the fan seemed farther away, somewhere in the distance where people were awake. Everything slowed and quieted for this moment. Peace enveloped me, as I slept safe in my cocoon, forming into a newer, stronger, happier me.
I had bits and pieces of dreams...nothing scary, because I was somewhere safe. I felt like the above picture, that I was laying in a hammock, the sun warming me, the sound of the water moving softly, suspended only by a tiny piece of mesh cloth, but I knew I wasn't going to fall.
Then, I felt like I was laying in the midst of a tree, surrounded by grass, dandelion fluff swirling around me in the wind. Again, there was a body of water beside me. Everything was green and beautiful. What a glorious place to be! I somehow knew it was a dream, but I didn't care.
As I woke up, I fully expected to be on a float in the body of water I kept seeing, not even caring how I got there. I wondered how I was going to get back to shore, but I decided that it didn't matter. I turned around...
...and woke up in my own bed. I looked at the clock on my mobile phone, my eyes no longer burning in their sockets, I made out a blurry, 4:00 p.m. underneath the date. It took me a while to become conscious. I slipped in and out again into the place by the water, too warm to remove the covers, suddenly feeling like someone had wrapped their arms around me, and was gently holding me in sleep.
Then, the fan became louder, and I heard the sound of people talking. I opened my eyes, and it was over.
I got sleep, and it was the best feeling in the world. Nothing can compare to it, the feeling of warmth and safety, and rejuvenation.
Medically speaking, your brain and body go through a period of repairing, restoring, and recharging. This is why after a neurological event such as a migraine or a seizure, or even a head injury, the body demands sleep. It powers itself down in order to recharge.
I feel like I've been running on empty for a while, fatigued, and exhausted.
I need to get more sleep...