I Know It's March, But Here's What Happened in February.

No, it's not February, but I'm late composing my review of February.



February looks like the above picture. It's supposed to be cold here where I live, but usually around my brother's birthday, it's seventy degrees and stays that way until March comes. This year, we've had plenty of snow in January and February.



With February comes Valentine's Day, which was also my twelfth wedding anniversary this year!



We went out to dinner the minute he got home. I wore make up and heels and everything! *LOL* We try to go somewhere we don't eat all the time, so we chose Uno's. They were busy. The food was good. I kept having to ask for my other side dish, though. I ordered salmon, of course. I love salmon. I order it every chance I get. Doug had a steak that was very tender! He cut a few pieces and put them on my plate so I could try it.


(I thought this picture was fitting for an anniversary pic because I wore a gold locket on my wedding day, and we did the lace doilies on all of the tables.)


(And just because I'm a writer, I LOVE this picture! I hope when I do become a best seller, my book will somehow play into a proposal!)

We didn't go see a movie this year, like we usually do. We just ate and went home because we're old. Sad, really. And we've become addicted to a certain show that was airing on AMC in black and white. I won't say what show that is, but I'm sure you can figure it out. It's a guilty pleasure. I don't watch much television, so it's like a treat for us. Doug, he has shows he watches every week like clockwork, but me, I have one show I look forward to watching, and I'm about to quit watching it because "reality" television is ridiculous. But this new television series has garnered my attention, and the Trinity Cat even watches it with me!

So we went home. I changed into my fat clothes, poured myself some dessert, fat free chocolate milk, and Trinity climbed in my lap. We watched the show, then just hung out at home. Not the most exciting twelfth anniversary, but it was much better than the eleventh anniversary, where we were too sick to care that we had been married for eleven years, went to lunch because Doug had class, and went to bed as soon as we got home.

And my friends at book club got together and threw me a party, and I missed it!!! It was total pants that I missed it.



February brought with it Doug's new job, Christi's new car, my father-in-law's hospitalization for sepsis, and my second neurology appointment.

Doug is loving his new job. He's been there a month now.  His boss is very nice to him. One day, Doug somehow locked the keys in the car and his boss drove him all the way back to the cottage so he could get the spare key off of my massive keychain collection. Doug was going to treat his boss to lunch for doing such a nice thing, but the boss wouldn't let him, and instead treated Doug to lunch! How cool is this guy?

My father-in-law spiked a fever at the nursing home, which prompted them to send him to the hospital. I'll do my best to explain the hospitalization, but I'm rather confused about it myself. I didn't like my fnl's doctor. I won't go into that, but I didn't like him at all. My fnl met the criteria for sepsis, but I never got an explanation as to what that meant. I thought it meant that he had not been tested for it yet, but again, no explanation was given upon my request. My fnl was awake for almost seventy-two hours straight, so they gave him narcotics through IV, Lortab to be exact, and they gave him too much, which prompted them to thread a pacemaker wire through his central line. Then, they moved him to a regular room too soon. He ended up staying in the ICU again. Then, on the day of his release, my fnl spiked a fever and they had him in isolation, but they went ahead and released him anyway. I'm STILL confused. I guess he's doing okay now. *shrugs*


(I want one of these!)

February also brought my neurology appointment, which was rescheduled thrice before this time. They had me coming back on the 13th of December. Then, I got a card in the mail saying they had to move it to January 2nd, but I was visiting relatives until late, and couldn't get up at the crack of down to go, so I rescheduled it for the next available, which was February 28th.


(This is NOT one of my scans. I just thought it was fitting since I'm blogging about MRIs and neurology appointments.)

Thursday was the big day. The appointment did not go well to be completely honest. They pushed and pulled on my extremities and found that the weakness in my right arm and overall right side is progressive. The neurologist suggested an MRI to see where the damage is located. I'm going out of town with Ed and Jamilaih to Florida this weekend, and I was hoping the MRI would be scheduled after I got back because I have to use this coming week to prepare for the trip, but instead, I'm having an MRI Monday night at 7:15. *sighs* And after every MRI I've had, I experience severe flu like symptoms the next day to the point where all I can do is lie in bed. I can't even stand up on my own. So I'm going to lose a day this week. And what's worse, the next day, I have a nail appointment that I can't reschedule this week before I leave on Saturday, so I'm going to have to suck it up and go. I don't like going to anybody else. I've been seeing Wendy for three years now, and she's great. Thankfully, Christi's going to drive me because I have no business behind the wheel on Tuesday.She's been such a good friend. Glad we reconnected in October. I need lots of prayer concerning the MRI, my trip, and my progressing weakness in my right side. I'm a writer, and hopefully one day, a best selling author, but I need both hands and both arms to achieve this goal, and other goals I have, like one day going to med school.

Today is March 2nd, and it also happens to be the birthday of one of my characters, Paul H. I assigned it to that character in honor of my friend, Richard, and accidentally in honor of my friend's little boy, Austin! So here's to March!



Let's hope it's better than I expected!

Hope your February was great and your March is even greater!

Cheers!

It's Fall!!!

Forgive me, I had to assault your mind with images of Fall!

I have so much to share, but I don't have the time right now, so I thought I would post a late, "WELCOME FALL/OCTOBER" post.

I also am requesting prayer for my friend, Shelly#2. Her cat, Biz, went on to Heaven yesterday. She's quite broken up about it. So am I. I loved Biz so much too. But pray for Shelly and her family.

That's it. I have a chiropractor appointment to get to. I will write about my neurology appointment that took place on Wednesday in the near future.

Have a great day!

Tired Tuesday.

I had so much to do yesterday that I barely made it to eleven o'clock last night!

Doug had the day off, so he asked me to pick his mom up and take her to the hospital for the nine o'clock ICU time slot. I am not a morning person, but my husband deserves a day to sleep in. Tuesday is his only day that he doesn't have somewhere to be in the morning. Every other day, he has to be at work, and Sunday, he has to be at church to take care of the media during both morning services, which is four, almost five hours of work. I understand why he wants to sleep in. So, I agreed to go pick her up and take her to the hospital. Unfortunately, I got an entire half hour of sleep on Monday night, I rush out the door at 8:30 yesterday morning, original sized can of Starbucks Double Shot in one hand, and a bottle of vanilla frappucino in the other. I cranked up the music and sped off, downing the double shot as I go.

Since I'm a coffee addict, I'm not big on energy drinks. But, when I'm that tired, I'll break down and have a double shot. It's expresso and cream, not a carbonated drink loaded with taurine, ginseng, and God only knows what else. I used to drink an energy drink called BAWLS. It tasted like strong Sprite, and I could work out for hours if I had one before aerobics class, but they stopped making it, or perhaps they just don't sell it around here.

I arrive at my mnl's around 8:45. The first thing she asked is if I'm drinking an energy drink. No, not really. Then, she goes on to ask if those energy drinks are healthy and if Doug should be drinking them. I don't go there. I just say, "I don't know," because I'm tired, cranky, and manky, and if someone starts asking me a bunch of questions, it can get ugly. The subject gets dropped, and we get on interstate. I downed my frappy. We got there in ten minutes, and I dropped her at the door. I decided to go in and see my fnl. I was already there, I had several other things to do before I could go home, and I wanted to see how he was.

My mnl was talking with the nurse when I got up to the fourth floor. I walked into my fnl's room. Usually, he's covered up, including his hands, which are still restrained, and for good reason. If he could move his hands, he would pull the tubes out. He always waited until my mnl went to sleep, and he would pull his NG tube out. Chances are, he would pull his vent out too. Where he has dementia, and the fact that he used to be a small engine mechanic, once he pulls the tube out, he will try to work on it with imaginary tools, or he will connect it to the other things he pulls out or off of him. Then, of course, the nurses have to put the things back in, which he HATES, but you can't reason with him. Yesterday morning, his hands were uncovered, so I could see that his hands, his right hand anyway, was swollen. I spoke to him and told him I was there. He's still had his eyes shut, but he moved around.

Usually, I'm in there with my husband and my mnl, and I'm the one telling them to leave him alone and let him sleep, explaining that he might be in pain, he needs his rest, and I certainly wouldn't want anyone to bother me if I was able to sleep through pain. I also stress the importance of not touching him or holding his hand very tightly due to swelling from IV fluids and dialysis. I don't touch him or get in his face, but my mnl insists on doing so. I say hello to him incase he's awake and he hears me, and I leave a few minutes early to let my mnl have the last ten minutes alone with him. Doug usually goes back to the ICU waiting area with me if he's there.

I stayed with him from 9:00 until 9:20, and I tell my mnl that it's 20 after nine, then I go to the ICU waiting area, giving her the last ten minutes of the half hour time slot. I checked my Facebook messages until she comes back. Then, we made our way to the cafeteria and sat down over a couple of cartons of Fat Free chocolate milk. I stayed until ten, then I left to run my errands. I made it home around eleven, and I was awake, so I sat down and got online for a bit. I transferred some files over from my book, then took a half hour nap. I was up to an entire hour of sleep.

I needed to pick up a tote bag for my mnl, so Doug and I went to the mall. I went to Old Navy and got her a lunch bag, and a small tote bag, and then, since I had birthday money, I perused the clearance aisle.

Seriously, I HATE SHOPPING. I am a hunter gatherer. I go to the store, buy what I'm there to purchase, hardly ever straying from the list, and I go home. Most guys would love that! My husband likes to look at things. I'm the one sitting there on the benches by the doors with all of the other husbands who are waiting on their wives to get their shopping finished. It's hilarious. They look at me like I'm crazy until they find out what my purpose there is. Like them, I am waiting on someone. That's the common denominator. Unlike them, the person I'm waiting for is in the electronics department.

Anyway, I find this shirt that I have been looking for in my size. I'm not an exact size. My shirts consist of XS, S, M, and a few L's. My jeans/dress pants consist of 3's, 4's 5's 6's, and S, or M. I have a few L's in those two, but mostly in my pajama pants. The baggier, the better. The shirt is a medium. I found a few more things, which took me a total for five minutes, and I go back to the fitting room and try them on. The shirt fits, that's the main thing I wanted. The jeans also fit. The tee shirt, which I found out was 49 cents, fit, and the other shirt fit. The two pairs of pants I found fit, but I didn't like the way they looked. I made my purchases, and we headed to Deb to peruse the clearance racks there. I knew they sometimes had totes for a good price, and I found a huge tote bag for cheap. I got it for my mnl too. So now she has two totes and a lunch bag, that way she can carry the things she needs with her while she's at the hospital.

Doug took me to eat a late lunch. At this point, I was starting to feel like I only slept for an hour, but I had a meeting to go to around seven. I stopped by the house to pick up the tiny laptop, and headed to the church. After the meeting was over, we went to visit my fnl.

My fnl was the same as he was before, eyes closed, unresponsive, and laying there in bed. My mnl talked to him and tried to wake him up, despite my protests. She said he squeezed her hand earlier and opened his eyes when she asked him to. Doug said hello, as did I, and I took a seat in the chair until the last ten minutes.

Once my mnl returned from the visit, we all head to the car. I leaned back and slept...UNTIL...Doug starts asking me where I want to go eat. That's when the sleep deprived rage came out. I'm nearly in tears as I tell him I really don't care. So he goes to Arby's, where we almost wreck into some red car, who is trying to back up, and we aren't even in the parking lot yet. To make matters worse, the red car pulls into the driveway. Doug pulls in behind him, and the red car tries to back up AGAIN! No sleep for me! We order the food, and we head home, hoping we don't run into anymore stupidity on the road.

I got home, ate half of my sandwich, and passed out on the couch. Doug and my mnl kept waking me up, so, the cranky version of me asks Doug to put me to bed. This was around eleven. He walks in with me, I change into my pajamas, run to the loo, and go to bed. I'm so tired I'm in tears. I lay down, laptop next to me, and sleep. Doug leaves to take his mom home.

For some odd reason, I wake up at midnight. I got on the computer for a few minutes. Doug came back home, surprised to see me awake. I looked at him and said, "I'm going to have a dekko at my book." He smiled and said, "Okay." He knew I was going to fall asleep with the laptop on my lap, fingers poised, ready to type. And he was right. I ended up laying my head on his shoulder, and that was it. I crashed into a deep and dreamless sleep. I'm guessing Doug had to put away the laptop, put it on charge. The next thing I know, Doug was taking me to the bathroom. I must have asked him to, and I was grasping for Tylenol in the dark. I asked him what time it was, and I think he said six, but I don't remember clearly enough. I took the Tylenol, my head was pounding, got a drink, and went back to bed. I remember Doug putting his arm around me, and then, it was one o'clock this afternoon.

I woke up. Doug was gone. There was a dull ache in my head. When I reached for my mobile phone and saw what time it was, I was shocked. I got twelve and a half hours of sleep, not counting the sleep I got in the car, and the sleep I got on the couch. I was shocked. I had set my alarm for eleven. My alarm tells me how much sleep I will get when I set it. Usually, it says something like, 4 hours and 21 minutes, or 6 hours and 1 minute. That's about what I average per night. I got double, almost triple, my average amount of sleep! It was like paradise!

Now before the lectures begin, I understand the importance of sleep. I understand it a great deal. I've done the research. The problem is I'm an insomniac workaholic perfectionist who is consumed by the book I'm working on. I've got until October of 2013. That is my goal for the first book. That's all the time I have. Is this an unrealistic goal? I don't think so. I've got 80% of the work done. I just need to finish the transfer, the editing, and rewrite some things from memory, and I do have an eidetic memory.

Here's the thing. A few days ago, I had this gut wrenching fear that just overtook me. I don't know if it was what somebody said, or what? It was just one of those things that made my heart stop. What if I fail? This thought came suddenly out of nowhere. What if I do all of this work and I fail? What if my dreams don't come true? Where the heck is this all coming from? I'm an excellent writer! I know this! I've written since I knew how to write! I have stories and poems and even books that I've written, I don't have them in my possession, but I wrote them! I was published in a church newsletter in 1998! The church didn't believe women had any business behind the pulpit, but even that preacher, who hated my guts, recognized that I was an excellent writer! He handed me the national newsletter and said, "Do you think you would be interested in writing for them?" I was floored! I said, "Absolutely." That was the only time that man ever told me he had confidence in me. If someone who didn't think very much of me as a person can recognize my talent, then why the heck can't I? *sighs* Maybe it's because I'm under stress, sleep deprived, exhausted, whatever the case may be. I don't know. Failure is not an option here!

If I'm good, why am I worried about failure? And, if it's not okay to fail here, why is it okay to fail in other areas of my life?

My other dream, most of you know, is med school. That's a thirteen year commitment, and it requires hard work, determination, dedication, and so much more. I have health issues. I'm not the healthiest person by any means. I'm a chronic migraine sufferer. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and I sort of have panic disorder. I say sort of because I used to have panic attacks all the time. I've had maybe three in 2011. (So far, in 2012, I came close to having one, but that was it.) I'm a perfectionist, I'm afraid of getting fat, and because of my OCD, I have some strange and irrational fears. Recently, I discovered that some of the odd fears I have are shared by many people. Sorry, I won't talk about it, but I will say that it's good that I'm not the only one. So you can see, I have so many reasons working against me.

People have asked me, "Are you sure you want to do this?" Yes, with all of my heart, I do. And there are people who have told me they don't think I can make it. A few of my friends are like, "We're definitely going to have to pray for you." I'm glad they will because I'm going to need it. I know I can make the grades. I can do the book work, the research, all of that. Those are my strong points. It's the rest of it I'm worried about. I've got to give it a try. I don't want to be sixty years old, looking back, wondering if I could have done it.

Despite having OCD and knowing I may very well not be able to handle it, someone told me not to let it stop me. She reminded me of the scrubs character, and said if he could do it, (even though he's not a real person) that I could. And I'm sure there are doctors out there with OCD. She has no idea how much it meant to me.

Bottom Line: I can't fail my first dream, because my second dream depends on it. Publish the books, get the money, go to med school. I can do this...

I think...


I think I need more sleep...

Migraine.

My month did not start out the way I was hoping it would...




I've been sick with a migraine all day today...

I got up at seven, and we took my mother-in-law to visit my father-in-law in the hospital ICU. She goes and stays there and visits every three hours. And the ICU hours are weird anyway. It looks something like this:

ICU Hours:

6:00 a.m. to 6:30 a.m.
9:00 a.m. to 9:30 a.m.
12 noon to 12:30 p.m.
3:00 p.m. to 3:30 p.m.
6:00 p.m. to 6:30 p.m.
8:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

The only ICU visit my mother-in-law doesn't attend is the 6 a.m. to 6:30 a.m. slot.

Doug and I drop her off for the 9:00 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. visit, and she stays there until after the last visit, the 8:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. time slot. Then, we take her home or she stays here on our couch. This schedule has been going on for almost a week now.

After we drop her off, Doug drives us to church. He is the director over the entire media production that occurs during service. He usually works both morning services, so he has to be there at 8:30 a.m. every Sunday morning. I am not a morning person, so I will usually drive back home, have another coffee, and get ready. Unfortunately, this morning's routine didn't work out.

As I drive home, I literally forget which way I'm going, and I end up on the other side of town. I assume it's because I'm not awake. I turn around and head for home. I crank up the music. I'm doing okay. I pull into my parking spot and stop the car, grab the keys, set it to lock, and get out. That's when pressure and dizziness hit me like a ton of bricks. I somehow make it into the house and sit down. That's when the vision loss occurred.

For those who have never had a migraine, they're evil. They're horrible, evil, and cannot be reasoned with. My migraines, however, mimic strokes. And since some of you have asked me to describe the anatomy of one of my typical migraines, and the fact that I sort of have my wits about me, I'm going to give it to the old college try.

It usually starts out with an aura. Sometimes, I recognize the auras, other times, I don't. My auras consist of, and these are in no certain order;

1. Deja vu (I've done this before.)
2. Vision loss
3. Foot cramps (The debilitating kind that make me drop to the ground and cry.)
4. Memory loss (I'll be in the middle of something and not remember what I'm doing, like when I was driving home this morning.)
5. Intense shoulder pain
6. Aphasia (I will know what I want to say, but another word will come out, usually a related word for me. For example, jacket may be coat, and coat may be paint. Other times, my speech is slurred, and what I'm trying to say makes absolutely no sense at all.)
7. Unexplained Fatigue/Weakness

I've had foot cramps for two days, and mild shoulder pain off and on since last night. I attributed it to stress, being on my feet (a mile walk to the ICU for two time slots), and not getting enough sleep.

So I make it inside, and I sit down on the bed. And I text Doug. I try to keep it simple because I know the further into the migraine I get, the worse my text messages become. I stretched out and tried to focus on something, and that's when the vision loss began. This usually consists of total vision loss in one eye. (Sometimes, I'll have sparkles in my vision, where everything will glitter. It looks pretty, but it's a sign of impending suffering for me.)

Once the vision loss occurs, I need to get somewhere and lay down immediately. Vision loss is followed by one sided numbness, in which the right or left side of my body will go totally numb. I can't use any part of the numb side of my body. I can't even walk without assistance. One time, I could not swallow, which scared the heck out of Doug. This is also the phase where nausea, photophobia, and phonophobia will happen. I rarely have nausea or phonophobia, but I always have photophobia.

Once the numbness stage is over, the intense head pain sets in. I lay in bed and wait for welcomed unconsciousness to overtake me. And when sleep comes, the worst is usually over. For this, I am grateful.

Whenever I wake up, which can be as long as eight to twelve hours later, whatever side was affected by the migraine is quite wonky, uncooperative, and sometimes doesn't work at all. It can range from weakness, to pain, to useless. I'll have to use my other arm/hand to do everything I need to do, and my foot/leg will be weak and sometimes drag. I also can't wear my floppies (flip flops to the natives) after a migraine. These after effects can last for up to three days before I regain full strength/use of the affected area.

Because my migraines are intense and mimic strokes/TIA's, I'm supposed to make a trip to the emergency room to make sure I haven't had a stroke. They also check for seizure activity and other neurological issues that would or could cause these or similar symptoms. I'm usually given a clean bill of health and sent home.

Unfortunately, going to the emergency room is not always convenient. Doug works and goes to school full time. He has responsibilities which often means I have to fend for myself. If my symptoms are severe, he will drop everything to take care of me. We have to determine when we both agree that I should go to the emergency room. If I have a new symptom, such as the swallowing issue, we go to the ER. That's a given. The first few times I had nausea, since it rarely occurs, we took a trip to the ER. My first experience with phonophobia, we went to the ER. If my symptoms/after effects last longer than usual or are more intense than usual, we will go to the ER. I will sometimes panic, which doesn't help, and Doug will have to try to calm me down. This is often futile. Today's migraine was not ER worthy.

Forgive me for being all over the place. I'm still a bit clapped out.

I sent the text message to Doug. I stretched out in bed, covered myself up, and shut my eyes, waiting for the dizziness to stop, waiting to hear the message tone indicating that Doug had received my text. He knew what was going on. He asked if I made it home before the migraine hit, and I managed to reply with, "sort of." He was just glad I made it home and was safe in bed. The problem was that I had the car. Driving with a migraine is quite dangerous. I said I would try to sleep it off. I was experiencing extra fatigue/weakness today, and was able to go to sleep before the numbness really got to me. Doug called me several times to check on me and make sure I was okay.

Thankfully, I slept through the worst part of it, and woke up at one. Church was over. I let him know when I was leaving, and he allotted a certain amount of time for my arrival before threatening to send out a search party. He prayed, I prayed. I made it to the church, crawled into the passenger side of the car, and slept until he was finished shutting down the media equipment. He spent the afternoon taking care of me. He got me a venti nonfat chai tea latte. He brought me some glazed donuts to munch on, then he took me home and put me to bed. That's where I've been ever since. He stopped in to visit his father. I feel bad that I couldn't make it to see him today. I didn't even work on my book today. I just don't have the mental capacity, plus my right side is affected, and it hurts to type. Most of my typing was accomplished with one hand. Thank God I'm ambidextrous! If not, I would be in serious trouble...

Anyway, I'm still feeling ill, but I made it through. It wasn't the worst migraine I've experienced, but still not ER worthy. I always wonder in the back of my mind if I will be so lucky next time...

Sleep.

Sleep...I get so little that when the chance comes around, I try to take it...

It started out as a bad day. Doug woke me up after I had only slept for two hours. I verbally assaulted him, although I don't remember half of what I said because I wasn't fully awake. My head was pounding, my body was throbbing, everything ached, and my eyes felt like they were burning in my sockets...I yelled, I screamed, I cried, and if I were awake enough, I might have thrown things. I'm not proud of myself, and I'm glad that Doug is very forgiving. I was exhausted, fatigued, and very stroppy.

We visited Doug's father at the hospital ICU, then had breakfast...I was so tired and upset that I had a nosebleed. I don't know if I was that upset, or if my blood pressure skyrocketed in my anger. Whatever the case, my body and my mind were just as mess!

Doug took me home. I changed into my pajamas, got into bed, but I was too tired to sleep. So I sent out a text asking for prayer for healing and rest. And I got what I asked for...



It was beautiful!

I turned the air conditioner on freeze out mode, turned up the fan, stretched out in bed, covered myself up in my snuggie, then topped that off with my sheet and comforter. I wrapped myself into a cocoon, even pulled the covers up over my face so that I saw nothing but dark...



The light pouring through the window didn't matter. The sound of the television started to fade, even the sound of the fan seemed farther away, somewhere in the distance where people were awake. Everything slowed and quieted for this moment. Peace enveloped me, as I slept safe in my cocoon, forming into a newer, stronger, happier me.



I had bits and pieces of dreams...nothing scary, because I was somewhere safe. I felt like the above picture, that I was laying in a hammock, the sun warming me, the sound of the water moving softly, suspended only by a tiny piece of mesh cloth, but I knew I wasn't going to fall.



Then, I felt like I was laying in the midst of a tree, surrounded by grass, dandelion fluff swirling around me in the wind. Again, there was a body of water beside me. Everything was green and beautiful. What a glorious place to be! I somehow knew it was a dream, but I didn't care.



As I woke up, I fully expected to be on a float in the body of water I kept seeing, not even caring how I got there. I wondered how I was going to get back to shore, but I decided that it didn't matter. I turned around...



...and woke up in my own bed. I looked at the clock on my mobile phone, my eyes no longer burning in their sockets, I made out a blurry, 4:00 p.m. underneath the date. It took me a while to become conscious. I slipped in and out again into the place by the water, too warm to remove the covers, suddenly feeling like someone had wrapped their arms around me, and was gently holding me in sleep.

Then, the fan became louder, and I heard the sound of people talking. I opened my eyes, and it was over.

I got sleep, and it was the best feeling in the world. Nothing can compare to it, the feeling of warmth and safety, and rejuvenation.

Medically speaking, your brain and body go through a period of repairing, restoring, and recharging. This is why after a neurological event such as a migraine or a seizure, or even a head injury, the body demands sleep. It powers itself down in order to recharge.

I feel like I've been running on empty for a while, fatigued, and exhausted.

I need to get more sleep...

The Tired Blog.

Today's post is called The Tired Blog for obvious reasons, but it can also be referred to as The Whinging Blog because I'm going to be on the whinge today. I do apologize. For starters, I'm exhausted and generally feeling ill. The sky is overcast, making me feel even more tired, manky, and cranky. I swear, people are probably beginning to think I have the lurgy!

Doug is feeling better. He was able to return to work today. Unfortunately, I think he and I had two completely different illnesses because I woke up this morning with a sore throat, cough, and that oh so lovely stuffed up feeling in my head and chest. At this point, I fear I'm never going to get unpacked and settled into our new place! I can't live like this!!!

This is exactly how I've been feeling!

See, I told you I was going to whinge...I just want to unpack. Why can't I be well until AFTER I unpack? Then I'll do all of the lying around that my body wants!

I love the cottage, especially the shower. It has a rain shower head, and it feels just lovely. I am also happy to report that there is an endless supply of hot water. Normally, I am the type of person who showers to get clean. I don't stand under the water and do nothing, I have a purpose in that shower, and that purpose is to do just that, shower. The first shower I took, I stood under the water and sighed happily. I kid you not, one half hour later, the water was still hot! I was shocked. In our apartment, our hot water supply lasted sixteen minutes. That was my six minute shower and Doug's ten minute shower.

Got the living room straightened up a bit yesterday. Our living room is bigger than the one in the apartment. I also like the location because the sun doesn't stream through the living room windows and blind us, even with the blinds open. We had constant sunlight blinding us while we tried to watch television at the apartment, and the bedroom is nice and dark to promote sleep! If we open the blinds in the bedroom, we get a nice amount of sunlight. Everything is so cozy and relaxing here, yet, I feel terrible...

I was hoping to get some writing done, and I just might because I can't seem to sleep. I've had two chocolates trying to perk myself up, but I'm not really hungry.

I feel like I'm going all over the place. Maybe I shouldn't write today. *sighs* Did I mention I'm feeling terrible? Please accept my apologies for whinging. I need prayer. I feel like I'm going down hill...I'll be thirty...*coughs* in April. I'm too young to be going down hill!

I know, I know, complaining isn't going to help anything...I guess I'll just lie in bed, which has been the norm lately. *sighs*

Forgive me for whinging, I'm just sick of being sick and exhausted...

Christmas Letters Part Three

Here it is, another Christmas letter from a character in my book! You know the rules, any questions, just ask. Enjoy!

December 2023

Christmas Time Is Here...

Merry Christmas! It's a pleasure to be writing to everyone to share an update about our lives and to express well wishes during this Christmas Season. Our year started out wonderfully, but ended on a bit of a tragic note. I'll get to that later. For now, let me give you an update on my family.

Paul and I are doing well. He's still the pastor at Living Waters Cathedral, and he's been the captain of the police force for almost ten years. I ditched my job in publishing to become a full time writer. I now work from home, and I love it. We celebrated our eighteenth wedding anniversary in November.

Our children are growing up way too fast...

Zephra turned nineteen this past May. She and her husband, Alexander Rossi, have been married for two years now. Paul is slowly accepting Alexander as his son-in-law. He still sees Zephra as his little girl, and he wants to protect her. It doesn't matter that she has two little girls of her own, he will always see her as his little girl. (I know this because my father still sees me as his little girl.) Zephra returned to nursing school to become an RN. She will finish school a week or two after her twentieth birthday. Paul and I are so proud of her. She's really done well for herself. I'm sure Alexander is proud of her, too.

Zane also had a birthday in May. He is now sixteen years old. He came home from Hollywood, CA, for his birthday. He's still a typical teenager, sort of. He still plays the starring role in "The Secret Life of a Teenage Vampire". He's definitely doing better than I was at when I was sixteen. He and Trinity are coming up on their one year wedding anniversary. Paul is handling Zane running off to Hollywood and getting married better than he did with Zephra. He still worries about Zane, though. He and I both know that Zane is a teenager who's living in an adult world, which means he thinks he's a man, but he's not even close. Still, he's become quite mature and responsible for a sixteen year old, and he does work hard. He and Trinity were together for six years the day before their wedding.

Zayden celebrated his twelfth birthday in July. He's such a sweetheart. He's loves being an uncle to Zelda and Zayna. He misses Zephra and Zane since they moved out. Zayden is on the honor roll at school and plays baseball. He tried out for the basketball team in September and won a spot as the shooting guard.

My Mom and Dad, Zephyr and Belinda, are doing well. Mom has improved dramatically since her accident twenty years ago. VNS has done wonders for her. Dad refuses to retire. He owns and operates the family business, The Wallace Architect Firm, which was started by his father. My youngest brother, Troy, is twenty now. He's still living at home and helping Dad take care of Mom. He's working for my Dad at the firm and plans on sticking around for a few years before going to college.

The year started out routine.

The first real event in our household took place in March. Paul turned 37 on March 2nd. Daisy, Leah, and Gabrielle helped me throw him a surprise birthday party. We went ahead and celebrated his best friend, Peter's birthday at the same time, since they both have March birthdays.

I turned 36 on April 26th. Paul surprised me by taking us all to Hawaii. We had an amazing time going to luaus, watching fire dancers, learning how to Hula dance.

We went to Colorado at the end of June to visit Paul's family.

School started in August/September. I'm still working from home. This makes my second year of working at home. I still love it!

On October 16th, Zephra's youngest daughter, Zayna, turned two. She's such a sweetheart. She looks just like Zephra did at that age. She has Zephra's auburn hair, green eyes, and freckles. She's already putting sentences together and saying words that most of her two year old peers wouldn't normally say. Even Zelda wasn't putting together sentences until she was around three. She says, "I want some food," or she will say, "I want," followed by the specific name of the object, action, or food. She also says, "I love Nana," and "I love Papaw". Her latest saying is, "Mommy is a big meanie." Alexander taught her that one. Zephra threatened to teach Zayna how to say, "Daddy's so lazy." I really hope she doesn't.

Though our anniversary is in November, Paul and I went on a cruise to the Caribbean in October. We had an amazing time. Zephra, her two children, and Zane came home to watch Zayden and house sit while we were gone. We were pleasantly surprised to come home and see the house clean and in order, Zane laying on the couch listening to his iPod, Zephra making dinner,  Zayden playing checkers with Zelda, and Zayna sitting in her playpen watching her uncle and her big sister.

Thanksgiving was spectacular this year! All of our family was present for dinner. We got caught up on how everyone is doing, and we also got some exciting news! Zane and Trinity, announced that they are expecting their first child! It's a boy! We're finally going to get a grandson! We're STILL too young to be grandparents for a third time in my opinion, but I can't help being excited! Paul thinks Zane and Trinity are taking on too much, and that they have no idea what they're getting into, but I reminded him that we were in the same position. We were a little older than they are. I was eighteen and Paul was nineteen when we found out I was pregnant with Zephra, and we weren't even married. Zane and Trinity got married long before they got pregnant, so I think they're doing better than we were. After dinner, we sat around and talked. We saw family out as they left. Alexander took the girls home so he could get them to bed. Zephra, Zane, and Trinity spent the night with us. The six of us stayed up late, played games, and watched movies.

On December 5th, Zelda turned six. I can't believe she's already six! She is the spitting image of Alexander. She has his black hair, dark brown eyes, and olive complexion. She can't wait to start first grade. That's all she's talked about since she turned six. When Paul asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she said she wanted to start first grade. She's so funny. She's definitely got Zephra's personality.

We're still living at Tori's house since the fire two years ago. (Police still have no leads as to what caused the fire.) Tori and her husband, Taven, decided to give us her house, free and clear. They brought the deed over last week. Paul and I were completely flabbergasted, and so thankful. I finally feel like our lives are finally pieced back together again. The outpouring of love and kindness from our friends, our family, and our church family the past two years has been amazing. 

I just want to take a moment to give thanks to God and to those who have encouraged us, purchased items we needed, and to those who have lifted us up in prayer, thank you so much. Prayers are appreciated.

Zephra invited us over to help her decorate her home for Christmas. It's been a tradition that began two years ago, when she and Alexander moved into their house. The three of us accepted and we spent yesterday putting up the tree. Paul and Alexander hung her outside lights. Once the decorating was done, Zephra made dinner. We sat down as a family and ate. As I sat at the table with my son-in-law, my daughter, my husband, my youngest son, and my granddaughters, I realize how blessed I am. Two years ago, Paul and Zephra weren't even speaking. Now they're close again. Paul's accepted that Alexander is here to stay. They're getting along finally. And we have Zayna, who has added so much joy to our lives. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us next year!

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember to count your blessings this Christmas Season.

With Love and Appreciation,

Pastor Paul, Tallullah, Zephra, Alexander, Zelda, Zayna, Zane, Trinity, and Zayden

Just The Facts, Ma'am.

It's been a rough day. I was up all night experiencing tachycardia. I was a bit concerned about having a heart attack because women have vague symptoms. I had shoulder pain, but I also have vascular migraines, and the pain is severe and in my shoulder when this happens. I have also been sick and had congestion in my chest, which may have been part of what caused the tachycardia. My lungs may be working harder in order for me to breathe since I haven't fully recovered. (I'm a bit concerned that I have walking pneumonia at this point, but I have no insurance and I am hyperchemically sensitive to most meds, so even if I went to the doctor and got a prescription, there's a 95% chance that I wouldn't be able to take the drug anyway. So, I must persevere. This is the norm for me.) I also have panic disorder, which could be cause of the tachycardia. Things are changing around here, and for someone with OCD, changes, good or bad, are always difficult.

Doug's first day of work began early this morning. I admit that I am a bit sad because he's been home with me for two years. Today, I'm fending for myself and not doing a very good job. I am still not feeling well. I think I did too much yesterday, but I felt good yesterday, so I did the minimum and I'm paying for it today. YAY ME! *lol* So I'm trying to relax, which is also a bit futile. Once I'm done here, I'll put on some music to fit the mood for my book, which I will then take a dekko at and get done.

I have church tonight, and it's the Hebrew Marketplace event tonight. Hebrew Marketplace is our church's alternative to Halloween. Children can still dress up and get candy while learning about Jerusalem in 33 AD. The church also hosts games and a drama prior to the candy extravaganza. The children are happy and safe. I would go into Pastor Chuck's Halloween Message, but I'm tired.

I'm not trying to demean anyone who chooses to celebrate Halloween. I do understand it's difficult to keep your children from it because schools host parties and different events take place at school, but you should know what your children are a part of. There are also steps you can take by educating your children. You can encourage them to dress up as something they want to be when they grow up instead of a witch or vampire. It really isn't fair that their peers get to participate in school parties where they can wear a costume and get lots of candy. Do something special with your child or children at an earlier date so your child can have access to candy and be able to dress up without celebrating Halloween or the reasons behind it. If you don't want your children celebrating Halloween at school, talk to their teacher or the principal and keep them out of school that day. Take them to lunch or participate in their favorite activity with them.

As a personal choice, my husband and I don't celebrate it. That doesn't mean I'm going to lecture you if you do decide to take your kids trick-or-treating or you throw a Halloween bash. That's not what this is about. I use to celebrate it every year. The last year we celebrated it, we met a family at the Haunted Tunnel. They had five children. The man and woman had just gotten married and we just really hit it off with the family. We were in line together and at one point, two of the girls who wanted to go in got scared. We waited while their dad assured them that these were people in costumes, and because we waited, he paid our way in! If we had not been there that night, we would not have met a nice family. I think of them and pray for them every time I see the tunnel where the Haunted Tunnel takes place every year. But anyway, Doug used to take me to all of the haunted houses and other events such as this because I wanted to see if I could really get scared. It's ironic, really. I have more irrational fears, but I'm not scared of haunted houses. Yes, that's OCD for you.

Judgment House is coming up! I went to practice last night. Things are really coming along with that, and I'm as excited as our room coordinator! It's such a privilege to get to be a part of something that helped lead me and my husband to salvation. I thank God every year that Christ Temple Church decided to extend Judgement House for two nights; November 1st and 2nd, 2003. I still wish we extended it that long. Maybe there's someone like me out there who needs that extra two days in order to attend Judgment House.

My husband just sent a message stating that he was on break. I can't believe I've been up since nine! It's been four hours! I can't believe I'm still awake! I'm going to grab a snack and have a dekko at my book.

By the way, I did get a box of Tazo Zen teabags last week. I think I'm going to end up on a steady diet of chicken noodle soup and tea...

Hope everyone has a good day on this rainy fall afternoon!

It's Okay To Cry...

"Do you have the time to listen to me whine..." Green Day
WARNING: This blog contains lots of whinging and complaining, frustration, humiliation, and germs. Reader discretion is advised.

So far, I'm having a lousy Fall. This is my Christmas. And it's being ruined by illness, thieves, and fires.

I'm not sure where to begin, so let's start with Monday. After someone stole $14.00 off of me and left us with $3.00 to live on and Columbus Day held up Doug's check, a friend of mine treated us to lunch. She let me do a load of laundry. I hung out with her until Doug got out of school. We had fun...until...but I won't get into that. It's not worth rehashing. I also had a costume fitting for Judgment House that night.

Tuesday, Doug and I went to visit his parents, who treated us to dinner, then my mnl allowed me to get some things at the store with her card. Very nice of her. We would not have made it through without her help.

I took Doug to school, picked up a few things at the store, got home, put them away, and settled in with an ice cold bottled water and an equally ice cold Coke. Then I turned on the television for background noise and began to work on my book. The kitties came in and hung out, just a typical evening of solitude. Doug sent me a text stating to come pick him up from school. I saved my work, grabbed my purse, phone, and shoes, and as I'm walking through the dining room, I smelled a structure fire, but the smell is ONLY in my dining room, so I explored all of the outlets, checked everything plugged in and touched everything to make sure it wasn't hot. I sent Doug a text, stating I had not left yet because I smelled smoke. He called, I explained the whole mess to him. By that time, I could smell it in the kitchen. Doug told me to go outside and see if I can see flames or smoke. We stayed on the phone, I rounded the corner and I started crying as smoke billowed into the air. This was really happening. My apartment building is on fire. Doug instructed me to call 911. I hung up with him. I called and got a really nice dispatcher who can't seem to figure out what I'm trying to communicate to her. She acted as if I were speaking Japanese. By the time we got off the phone, I had no idea what she got from our conversation. Three ladder trucks pulled up in front of the apartment, lights and sirens going, the whole deal. The two gentlemen who live next door run out. Lainey, he called, "Shellye, what happened?" I said, "There's a fire in the apartment downstairs!" And firemen came running toward the apartment. One man said, "The dispatcher said there were two people trapped in a burning apartment building upstairs!" I said, "No, I have two cats upstairs, and I couldn't get them out." Meanwhile, other fire fighters ran toward the smoke. I saw flames. The woman in another apartment building next door came running out. "OMG, OMG, am I in trouble?" She was freaking out. Then she proceeded to explain that her stove caught fire twenty minutes ago, and that she threw a blazing pan out of her window, then she said she put flour in the pan twice to put out the grease fire. So, to make an incredibly long and embarrassing story short, the pan she threw out her window had reignited, causing smoke and flames. I apologized profusely, and the fire fighters took the neighbors names, and I ran into my apartment, which wasn't on fire. And my cats were safe, and I called my husband and told him what a freaking idiot I am. And he got a ride home while I sat on the couch and cried.

Wednesday, I started feeling terrible again. I've never really gotten over this illness. My cough is still almost as bad as when the illness started, and my voice is going in and out and my chest burns and my back aches and my throat and head hurt off and on. And I've plowed through a box and a half of tissues. But I had Judgment House practice, so I had to go to church. Practice went well, but if I walk around alot, I start coughing really badly. So we're going through the scene, and I couldn't breathe in without coughing. Then the Judgment room leader had a meeting, so he said, "Shellye, take them through the scene a few more times. So I had to read, and my voice was going in and out. And I could barely talk without coughing. But I took everyone through the scene and played my part successfully. Then I went upstairs to the crow's nest, leaned my chair way back, and I rested while listening to the service.

Thursday, I got treated to lunch by my lovely friend, Jodi, then I attempted to drop her off at a home of a lady from church so she could watch her children while the lady and her husband could go to the marriage retreat. My phone has a GPS. My husband programmed the address into the GPS, and I left, confident that I would find the place and drop Jodi off at the proper time. After lunch, we headed to Barboursville. The GPS did well until it started telling me to turn on roads that were not there. Not only that, it took me past the road and an hour and a half out of the way. So Doug missed a meeting, Jodi was late. I was tired. I dropped her off when we finally found the place, went through the Starbucks drive through, and went home. I spent the evening working on my book.

Friday, Paul came over and we ordered pizza. We had not seen him for a while. We had a nice time.

Saturday, I woke up feeling worse than before. We laid in bed and watched movies until almost five p.m. before heading to the enclosed retail compound. I looked for shirts, but no luck. Instead, I found this beautiful purse on clearance. I purchase it and left. We went to Qdoba where I got soup and salad. Doug had to order for me because my voice was gone. The woman acted like he was being difficult. Then, we stopped by store, where I had a coughing spell that almost caused me to faint, and I got more cough drops and tissues, and then went home. I discover the cashier forgot to remove the security tag from my purse.

Today (Sunday) I stayed home from church and rested. Doug didn't have to do the screens for the morning services, just the evening service, so he stayed with me. Then we went for a drive and a Starbucks. I watched more movies, then Jodi called and asked us to eat dinner with her at West Tenampas. Doug picked me up on his way home from evening church service. Then we got her and went to eat. I got chicken tortilla soup. It was good, but I'm still not feeling any better. Jodi informs me that she and Steve are getting married in seven months!!!!!! I am SO EXCITED!!!!! I am seeing a prayer I prayed for her come to life right before my very eyes!

So now, I'm laying in bed, still feeling lousy. Am I ever going to recover from this?

Improvement

This makes me happy!

I also have other news that makes me happy? Are you ready for this? Ladies and Gentlemen, we have improvement! Yes, you read it correctly. I'm starting to feel a little bit better! My voice is getting there, and even though I sound terrible, I am not feeling so terrible anymore! I'm still going to take it easy because we have this church event tomorrow night. A group is going to see the movie, Courageous. If we had not already paid for the tickets, I wouldn't go because I want to rest up for Saturday, when we go to the Milton Pumpkin Festival. (I have a feeling we won't stay as long.) But I am looking forward to seeing the movie and getting out of the house. I wish I were not sick in the first place, but I'm starting to see and feel some relief.

Doug is still passed out. I have to get him up in a few minutes, and the kitty, she isn't in the room with us because our kitchen windows are right in front of my face, and the sun always blinds me when I wake up because it's right there, so the door is shut until the sun moves. Anyway, I'm going to spend the rest of the day resting. Keep praying for me, I want every symptom gone.

Hope everyone has a good day!

Laughter is the Best Medicine

If I had health insurance and could afford to go to the doctor to get a prescription for a drug I could actually afford and could actually take without reacting to it, this is what my prescription would look like, or atleast one of the above.

I'm still sick and on the edge of better or worse. One minute, I feel like I'm getting better, the next, I feel like my body hates my guts and is trying to kill me. So, I thought I try to find the humor in this, since I'm stuck in between right now. The only way I'm going to win this battle is with prayer.

Keep praying for me. I've got to get through this somehow...