Monday, July 11, 2011

Christmas Carols and Normal Jeans

Posted December 17th, 2009 on Facebook Notes:


Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Mania --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy cow! Look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
(*points at self* That's me)


Anyway, I went shopping. Thankfully, the mall wasn't crowded, but I'm still exhausted. For one, I don't really like to shop as most women do, and when I go shopping, I know what I want before I even set foot in a store, I go grab the item, then I get out of there immediately. I have recently discovered (just today *lol*) that you won't always find what you're looking for. Why? Well I'll tell you.

For Christmas, my in-laws asked what I wanted from them. I asked for several pairs of jeans and some shoes. This means, I have to actually go try stuff on because I'm not a particular size. Clothing manufacturers might think woman are one certain size. It's not true. If that were true, I wouldn't have sevens, nines, and elevens in my closet. So I can't just ask someone, "Hey, can you go get me a pair of jeans, size nine?" Because one nine might be too tight, one nine might be too lose, and this is from the same store. This totally ruins my "Hurry up and get the heck out of the store" plan for shopping. So I grab sevens, nines, and elevens to try on. Meanwhile, as I'm looking for these particular sizes, I discovered something else...there is no such thing as normal jeans. Again, allow me to explain. I am browsing through the jeans, and the first few I found in my "sizes" had one of three things on them; they were ripped or torn, they had bleach spots on them, they were embellished with fake jewels or metal. Unfortunately, I am thirty-two years old. That doesn't benefit me at all. Finally, I find some normal looking jeans, and I take them to the dressing room. Keep in mind, I can't talk, so poor Doug has to help me shop, which is something neither of us want to do in the first place. I was so excited as I carefully removed the normal looking jeans off of the hanger and proceeded to put them on. They fit. That's a good thing. However, I noticed that on the bottom part of the legs of the jeans where your feet should come out, there was almost no opening to get your feet through. I looked at the tag to find that the jeans were those skinny legged kind. More like skinny ankle jeans. I apologize in advance to anyone who wears the skinny jeans, but I think they look horrible. I looked at myself in the mirror and almost flipped out. My hips looked like they were extremely wide, the top of my legs looked humongous, but my ankles looked like a size zero. How does that help anyone? The only way I will ever wear skinny jeans is if I am a size double zero. Doug was like, "Let me see." And Doug is so nice, but the look on his face when he seen them was classic. I said, "I hate them." "Good," he replied. I found one normal looking pair of jeans that fit at that store, and was able to find another normal looking pair at another store. The jeans I got are practically bell bottoms compared to the skinny legged jeans, but that's okay. I don't want any ripped, torn, bleached, embellished, or skinny leg jeans. The "mom jeans" would have been an improvement, and those jeans are ugly, and the top of them come way up past a person's waist, but I was afraid I might have to get some. For those who don't know what I am talking about, think Elizabeth Berkley who played "Jessie" in Saved by the Bell. She wore the "mom jeans" in most episodes.

Another thing I have discovered is that I don't miss the eighties. Not one bit. None of it. Do any of you remember the stonewashed jeans? They haven't brought those back yet, but they have brought back the color washed jeans. I think that's what they're called. For those who do not know, these are jeans that are dyed pink, yellow, purple, and orange. When I was in the 5th grade, I wanted a pair. I didn't get a pair. So right now, I would like to stop and thank my mom so much for never buying me a pair of these jeans. She had no idea how much she helped me in not purchasing them. Thank you, Mom. You did me a favor. *LOL* I could tolerate the neon colors, but the dyed jeans, well that's going a bit too far. The ripped up shirts are bad enough. Fortunately, I haven't seen any jeans with bows and vertical zippers on the bottoms of them. Let me tell you, some things from the 80's should remain in the 80's. That goes for the 70's and 60's too. Everyone must have looked normal in the 50's because I never see anything remotely like the 50's in clothing stores. I guess that proves that the weirder the clothing, the better. I'm not sure where I'm going to shop once the 90's fashions return to stores.

Happy Christmas. God Bless You.

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